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Question: Please, comments on my poem!?
If you leave me alone, long enough to just see,
You'd know why I am, and you'd know what I mean!.
When I say that I think, just so too much for me,
To the point where I just drop things and act differently!.
But that's just in a crowd, if the scene is too loud,
And I'm tied to expectations, to keep my parents both proud,
So they'd get off my back, cut me off some slack!.
That's when I re-evaluate, think 'What do I lack!?'
That's when I'd pick up my pen, and just scribble away!.
Let my mind loose, to freely wander, ever-y way!.
It's the same cycle, think, write, ever-y day!.
And let myself know that I have just too much I don't say!.
Now unfortunately, you won't witness this fit!.
Cause like I just wrote, I'd be alone in this ****!.
And I won't care to share my best, not even a bit!.
I'll hide away earthquake, and just show a hit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
this isn't poetry - it's what I call poetic therapy!. There's a difference!.
poetic therapy is inside to outside - and usually nobody wants to read these!.!.!. to be honest, and Ihave lots of these!.!.!. it's good therapy, but I don't send them off to be published anywhere either and when I did, they weren't interested!.
poetry is like outside to inside - it's like you are standing there with a camera taking a snapshot and instead of a camera and film you use words!.
what does loneliness look like!?
from the outside!?
it's like taking a picture of the wind!. what does the wind look like, how does it brush against your face, how does the wind feel, how do you know the wind is there!. what are the sounds the wind makes!. and on and on!.
this kind of thing you wrote here is just an outpouring, and that's not how you should approach any piece you write, it's like capturing a moment, like a small slice of time, and like you would a moment on film!.
what does that moment look like, how does it feel, what does it appear to be!? and on and on!.
how!?
what!?
where!?
why!?
who!?
this is many years of experience wrapped up really fast for you!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it's pretty good!.
You have shown your emotion quite well!.
I would fix up the meter a bit!.
I don't think the last line compliments it, I think you should change that line!.
Just my opinion!.
Nice work:)Www@QuestionHome@Com