My first poem?

Question: My first poem!?

can you tell me if it needs any improvement if so please feel free to add suggestions

losing my soul in a dark eternal void
I am unable to stand strong and see the light
but once you came to illuminate my path
i felt your aura's wondrous warmth
as the aura adapted its warmth onto my heart
i am able now to comprehend the heavens and youWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

First line came out strong!. Good imageries!. A bit redundant - "dark" with "void" - how about "eternal darkness"
2nd line got weak!. maybe you want to use a different wording for "and see the light," and the "I am" is not necessary but it's your choice!.
3rd line "but once" made it weak you might want to delete it or change it
4th line, "I felt" it is already infered from previous line,
5th line "as the" weak, "adapted" wrong choice of word
6th line is confusing!. So in the beginning your soul was in hell!? It seems out of place!. But I think I can see what you are trying to say!.

Good job for your first try!Www@QuestionHome@Com

my soul lost in a dark eternal void
unable to stand strong and see the light
you came to illuminate my path
the wondrous warmth
the aura penetrating my heart
now comprehending heaven
and you

It is very good - touched my heart!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its good!. very good for your first poem!. keep at it dude (i didnt look at your name or avatar, so for all i know you might be a girl, but i dont care if your not a guy, i call everyone dude- end of story)Www@QuestionHome@Com

hahaha its so cool i posted one poem also!.!.!. :O

http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.

and also amironx was there and posted!.!.!. its decent hahaha ohh the memoriesWww@QuestionHome@Com

Doesnt make any sense!.!.!.have you written a reverse for the second line or a complimistic antarod for the first!?!?!?you better check that out!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

hmm, from what I can see, It's nice!. I like it!.!. I'll have to think about what suggestions I could make for improving it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com