Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of my poem? NO RUDE COMMENTzPlzkthx?
Question: What do you think of my poem!? NO RUDE COMMENTzPlzkthx!?
I wrote this last night, please leave your comments!. If you dont like it that's fine, but please be constructive with your comments :) please remember this so far is just a rough draft too
****
Late afternoon,
or early evening if you prefer
I sit wistfully
in my favorite easy chair!.
I long for the days
Perhaps a score ago,
Those lovely nights
When you'd grace my living room!.
We had so many laughs
and touching moments, too
We shared them together,
it was just me and you
We'd have dinner that night
gathering around your smile
We were so happy then
But it only lasted a while!.!.!.
Now my life's so empty
Since the military came and found you
With this emptiness,
Tell me, what should I do!?
Every Thursday night,
around that familiar time
I sit in my easy chair,
and I cry and cry and cry!.
We all need you back,
so desperately we wish for you, pal!
So we ask this question:
Where are you when we need you, Alf!?!
****
thank youWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Does it make me a wimp if your poem brought tears to my eyes!?
because it did!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Kenny,
I have no intentions on being rude
This is a wonderful poem you did!.
Reading this poem I feel as I am in a chair
Thinking of those lovely nights!.
I like the kinds with the stars,
also reading this you were with
someone because having dinner
sharing the moments together also
aw, its so sad to see you cry cry cry
since you got a wonderful friend
losing those can be painful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It is well written and interesting!. To me it reflects loss in a touching way!. The kind of loss that one doesn't get over or forget!. Something that can't be found again!.!.!.although it is sought with tears!.!.!.
Another great poem Kenny!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like it!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
!.!.!.!.!.!.my friend wrote a couple of poems for me n i thought nobody was better than him,but that is a really btiful poem!.keep writing!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.they say the pen is more powerful than the gun at times!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.heal the world with this power!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Moving and poignant!. Bravo, Kenny, bravo!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
That was absolutely brilliant! I can definitely feel it and there is good imagery!. You are amazing!. Good work!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Touching!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really don't' have time to read but I am sure it is just fine!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
this is very nice :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think you have talent, and this poem is generally good!. I like the way it ends because I didn't expect the subject to be a best friend of yours; it seemed like a love poem, so that was a cool twist!. You should keep that, but maybe add that now Alf is someone else's!.!.!.the country's, if you want an uplifting tone at the end!.
also, these phrases/lines break with the mood of the poem and possibly need to be reworded:
when you 'grace' my living room
gathering around your smile
Did you ever call him Al!? I would rhyme better than Alf!.
Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com