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Question: Please offer your best critique on my poetry!. Can you help me improve and grow!?
Please offer me your best critique!. If you hate it, please tell why!. I am a beginner looking to grow immensely as a poet, so please, please be honest with me!
Coastal Memories
I sit upon this windy shore!.
amidst the salty air!.
My nose explores,
with a venturing mind,
my heart, it beats to the rhythm!.
Distance waves gracefully dance,
elegantly and melodically so!.
Moody waters confront ill fate,
crashing rocks of a million years!.
Intoxifying is the beauty,
while emotions settle in!.
Regretful tears, enchanting laughter,
time faded echoes of my youth!.
In wonderment, I gaze in awe,
how amazing it is to me,
born so affably and tenderly blessed
upon this gracious coast!.
My fingers trace my fresh clear tears
through pure and grainy sand!.
An inner voice begins to speak,
startling yet eerily calming!.
"Please don't cry in thoughts of me,
I have not gone as far as you think!."
And with an all too familiar laugh,
disappears slowly again into my mind!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Your poem has a lot of vivid, beautiful imagery!. It does a good job of creating a mood!. Unfortunately, a few things in your poem distract from the mood!.
First---amidst
a nice, poetic word!. Old fashioned, etc!. Except that nothing else in your poem goes with it!. Poetry is like furniture!. It needs to fit together, one piece having this effect, one piece having that effect!. Try "amid" instead!. You will still get to use the poetic word you wanted, without harking back to the 17th century!.
Remember I mentioned the great imagery in your poem!? It is a quite literal piece of literature: the windy shore, the dancing waves, the clear tears!. So you have set your reader up to "see" things literally!. Then, in the first verse, you mention your exploring nose!. It makes it almost comical because the reader expects to see a nose running around, exploring!.
Try a euphemism, like: "my senses explore" or something like that!. Maybe even "my mind explores"!. Just something other than a nose!.!.!.!.
Second verse----
"distance waves"----I think this must be a typo or something!.
Your writing sounds like you know better!.!.!.!.distance is a noun!.
You needed an adjective there!. "distant waves"!.
Third verse-----
"time faded"----you need a hyphen between time and faded if those words are to describe the word after them!.!.!.!.
"time-faded echoes"
Fourth verse----
"born so affably" are you sure you wanted the word affably there!? Have you looked up "affable" !? True, one of the meanings is gentle and gracious, but the other meaning is easy to approach, nice!. It seems to me that another word would have worked better there!. Were you trying for "gentle"!?
Why not say "gently"!?
Fifth verse----each line ends in a one syllable word in this verse, then the last line ends in a two-syllable word!. It throws it off!. Why not use "calm" instead!?
Sixth verse----You need to say WHAT is disappearing!. It's confusing!. Perhaps "and with its familiar laugh,
the voice disappears once again!." By the last verse, the reader needs to be reminded what you're talking about!.
The basic poem is very nice, though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I answered your 4 stanz posted 6 hours ago, starred by Sher
This is simular, they are both interesting and good, yet I liked
the line in the other better "Waves perform a graceful dance"
As well I feel the other had more mystery, Could picture a
human or a mermaid! I like the other better because of that mystery!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I liked the first paragraph!. However, it's more prose than poetry!. Make it more interesting by adding alliteration, onamotapea, personification, etcetera, and a regular rhyme pattern if rhyming!. It's very good if just starting!. I suggest reading poems and paying close attention to the techniques they use!. Don't give up! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
The thing of it is!.!.!. you are writing!. Asking others will help you grow!.!.!. reading others' works will too!.!.!. keep writing!. When you think it's bad, write!.!.!. feeling down, write!.!.!. joy abounds, write!.!.!. keep exploring, looking deeper and, just so you know, this is a very good start!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The end is very interesting!. Is it your inner child speaking to you, telling you that even as you age with the years, she is always there!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really like it!.
You are quite talented!.
I just see a few grammar errors!.
I hope to see more from you!.
Nice work:)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I am going to say: Listen to Impatient, that answer was pretty good!. also, I'd like to add -- you using punctuation was rather impressive for somebody claiming to be a beginner!. There are many people writing poetry on here that over look that!.
Poetry is about sound as much as it is anything else, proper punctuation tells us where to breath, where to add the stops and pauses!. The white noise, or a ghost note in music, plays a major role in creating rhythm!. And rhythm is all important for sound, and poetry is all about sound!. In my opinion!.
That being said, I haven't anything else constructive to add!. I think you're closer than you believe!. That poem didn't sound like a beginner at all!.Www@QuestionHome@Com