Could I get some comments and critiques please?

Question: Could I get some comments and critiques please!?

Lost In A Hurry

Frustrated, an unanswered call;
Angry expletives stir up the air!.
Pacing; fumbling around
The room making noises at the walls!.

A hurried pace down the hall,
Returning with
Lists in hand!. In a whoosh, he
Disappears out the door,

Errands can be done
Waiting for a call back;
Dashing about here and there,
Life’s ‘moments’ lost in a hurry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like the foundation of your poem!.
You don't do it all the justice it deserves, though!.
Poetry is a lot like music!. There are times to get louder, times to get softer!. Times to accent!.
For instance, the first verse!.!.!.!.
It is very good!. Have you ever considered accenting certain ideas or feelings in your poetry!?

Frustrated,
An unanswered call,
Angry expletives stir up the air,
Pacing---
Fumbling around the room,
Making noises at the walls!.

See how suddenly the person in the poem becomes easier to visualize!?
The second verse---

A hurried pace down the hall!.!.!.
Returning---
With lists in hand,
In a whoosh!
He disappears out the door!.

Errands can be done,
Waiting!.!.!.!.
For a call back,
Dashing about here and there,
Life's "moments"
Lost
In a hurry!.

If you do it this way, the reader pauses at certain spots, and those spots are brought out more!.!.
The poem itself is beautiful, in a rich, sad way!.
Very nice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow! Autumlovr, your Poem is beautiful!. Once again you stay on the topic, and the rythm of the poem is terrific!. The first paragraph has alot of emotions, which makes people want to read it much more further!. The way you stay on the topic is terrific, most poems have a title that dont stay on the topic!.!. The poem also keeps it Flow!. Very well done! :)

Frustrated, an unanswered call;
Angry expletives stir up the air!.
Pacing; fumbling around
The room making noises at the walls!.

Very well written and might be good enough to publish!. Keep up the great work writing poems AtumnLovr!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'm thinking on the space of the other day, This reminds me of roller coaster feelings that none of us aim for but sometimes come into play in the rush and stress of life,
more so in now times, even tho!. they have always been, I a wait another of your joyfuls when this ride is over!.
But as always you are aware of what is and express all so
clearly, a good read for the mood of the moment!. BlessingsWww@QuestionHome@Com

The underlying idea is good (life lost in a hurry), but I would try to find an image that could symbolize and capture all this, instead of spelling it out so explicitly: A poem is not a diary!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

WOW! what a great way to express your feelings!
Simple, yet great!.

Do mind checking mine out!?
I need all the help i can get :-)

http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i love it i will give you a star for it i understand how it must feel i feel like that sometimes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love it!. The only change I would make would be the last line on the first stanza I would say "The room making noises in all the walls!." Otherwise wonderful!

nfd?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Reminiscent of the hare in the story "Alice in Wonderland"!. Always rushing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like this!. You did a good job putting this together!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I know that feeling all too well!.!.!.!.!.!.!."Where are you!?!"Www@QuestionHome@Com

sounds like your time of the month!. i wouldn't quit my day job if i were you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

honestly i believe it's ok but no more not trying to be negative but it lacks that spice u knowWww@QuestionHome@Com