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Position:Home>Poetry> What changes would you make to this poem?Question: What changes would you make to this poem!? Why I Write
I write to release the pains, anger, and sorrow!. I write to sustain my dreams for tomorrow!. I write to free my soul!. I write to because it gives me control!. When I write, it is out of the deepest sincerity!. That is why writing brings me so much clarity!. I write to let you inside!. I write to put my struggles aside!. I write to bring the darkness to light!. This is why I write!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Dint change a thing its fantastic they way it is!.It comes from the heart & anyone reading it can tell!. If you write because your in pain & you use your writing 4 control i think thats great at least your not doing other thinks so you feel like your in control of your life!.You are a roll model 4 other people who use cutting or eating 2 feel like there in control of there life!.A very productive way 2 take control of your life!. Keep it up & a huge good on you, you should feel very proud of yourself your writing is beautiful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I kept your verbs phrases, I attempted to match your rhyming scheme so the beats are the same, I put numbers where I made changes, I kept the tone and theme the same, I added pinache to your ending!. Very good poem- You definately have talent! Good work! I write to release the pain1, anger, and sorrow!. I write to sustain my dreams for tomorrow!. I write to free my soul!. I write to 2 maintain life clarity 3and live it fairly I write to 4bestow hope charitably I write to 5gain control!. I write to 6push my struggles aside!. I write to 7live and feel alive!. I write to 8cajole!. This is why I write!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Here's how I'd do it!.!.!. I write to release the pain, anger, sorrow, I write to sustain my dreams for tomorrow; I write to free my soul!. I write to gain control!. When I write, I write with the deepest sincerity - That is why writing brings me such clarity!. I write to let the world inside, I write to put my struggles aside, I write to bring the darkness to light - This is why I write!. Some, if not most of the changes, are to help rhythm and flow!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I think it'd be better if the 5th and 6th lines were in the same "I write to !.!." format!. (I write to express my deepest sincerity; I write to see clarity) And the last line should stand alone (i!.e!. skip a line) in order to have more impact!. And for 4th line, make it "I write to gain control" or something to that effect because the ungrammatical 'to because' detracts from the rest of the poemWww@QuestionHome@Com I write to release the pains, anger, and sorrow!. I write to sustain my dreams for tomorrow!. I write to free my soul!. I love it! It's almost perfect, but in some sentences i had to reread it to understand!. here: I write to because it gives me control!. When I write, it is full of my deepest sincerity!. That is why writing brings me so much clarity!. I write to let you inside!. I write to put my struggles aside!. I write to bring the darkness to light!. This is why I write!. Excellent ending by the way! I know it is something very minor, but I really love it the way it is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com That's very good, I really wouldn't change it!. After a second look, you could try to shorten some of the lines like When I write!.!.!.!. But that is only if you HAVE to change it!. Again, it is very good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com what about "i write to free my troubled soul"!? "I write to gain some sort of control"!? "This is why i love to write"!? hope i helped! !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com Dont change a thing!. You can tell this has come straight from the heart!. Thats what makes it your story :)Www@QuestionHome@Com I would leave it as it is if you do change make it smallWww@QuestionHome@Com That is an awesome poem! u might try changing pains in the first line to pain but either way it rocks!. :) very inspiringWww@QuestionHome@Com It's very beautiful!. Keep it that way ;)Www@QuestionHome@Com Its coolWww@QuestionHome@Com Ctrl+a Backspace Ctrl+s ALT+F4Www@QuestionHome@Com take out the 'to' before 'because'Www@QuestionHome@Com i would change i write to "it" except for the last lineWww@QuestionHome@Com i would leave it the way it is! it sounds so deep!!! cool!! sorry i'm easily impress!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |