I wrote this poem as a wish in my life. How is it.?

Question: I wrote this poem as a wish in my life!. How is it!.!?

"commitment"

Open wide my heart,
shining eyes, a start!.
Showing me the dusk,
scent of all your musk!.

Gentle breeze so mild,
belies your soul so wild!.!.
Looking to the sky,
realizing we can fly!.

Take me by my hand,
lead me to the sand!.
beach that's oh so white,
glowing so damn bright!.

I see the blood red skies,
reflecting in your eyes!.
Amazing is our life,
together, man and wife!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

mmmm i really love this!.!.:)Www@QuestionHome@Com

A NICE POEM DESPITE THE FACT THAT IF I WERE IN YOUR PLACE,I WOULD NOT USE THE VERB BELLY!.
BELLY MEANS TO SWELL!.THE WIND BELLIES THE SAILS OF A SHIP BUT THE SOUL IS A DIFFERENT THING!.IT REQUIRES A BETTER VERB!.I PREFER THE VERBS STIR OR EVOKE!.
GENTLE BREEZE SO MILD,
EVOKES YOUR SOUL SO WILD!.
OR
GENTLE BREEZE SO MILD,
STIRS YOUR SOUL SO WILD!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It is a beautiful wish!.
And if is your hearts desire!.!.!.!.I do hope it comes true!.
Commitment is an amazing thing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

thats so darkly beautiful!! The rythum is great!! My only suggestion is that the rhyme not be quite so forced sounding!. I honestly think though that you should leave it alone!. The words make since as they are!. Xoxo
YOUR bruciata angelWww@QuestionHome@Com

Sounds like a lovely wish, I hope it comes true!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it gives me chills

seriously it is WAY good i love itWww@QuestionHome@Com

LIKE ITWww@QuestionHome@Com

My fav line!. ''BLOOD RED SKYS REFLECTING IN YOUR
EYES'' So powerful Love it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com