Position:Home>Poetry> A poem from many many years ago. I was 15 but have updated it. How is this.?
Question: A poem from many many years ago!. I was 15 but have updated it!. How is this!.!?
"healed"
I sit on the brink,
of forever!.
Edge of a cliff,
end of my tether!.
Dazed and confused,
nowhere to run!.
All the way west,
end of the sun!.
Done many things,
lost all my pride!.
I am still standing,
screaming I'm proud!.
Women I love,
there is no doubt!.
I only want one,
she's all I'm about!.
Bruises and scars,
fade slowly away!.
When they all healed,
never to play!.
Later in life,
I'd never tell!.
Now that I talk,
under their spell!.
Back in the sixties,
no one believed!.
Blood and contusions,
explained away!.
I was a child,
who lived in hell!.
I only needed,
brimstone to smell!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Amazingly graphic image: "I sit on the brink of forever!." You have found something very special here!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I would like to see a stronger demarcation between your thoughts of a 15 years old and those of now!. I think this "comparison" would be interesting!. The progression now seems to be jumping time back and forth throughout the poem - a little rocking sensation in visuals!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very, very nice!. So glad you can talk about it and get it all out!. The images and feelings come through loud and clear!. Bless you, and thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
rain on my window,
with stories to tell!.
not a soul moving,
as if under spell!.
two hearts together
they beat as just one!.
the pain that they suffered
has now turned to fun!.
LOL!! I love your poem Steve!! XoxoWww@QuestionHome@Com
sounds like me at 15!. Thanks for sharing!. keep on keeping on!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
That is also my favorite line,'I SIT ON THE BRINK OF
FOREVER!. WOW,WOW,AND WOW!. NICE JOB!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Well written, emotional, and very strong!. I like the use of history in this poem - from a child to an adult!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
My life!.!.!.!.!.!.!.unfortunately!.!.!.!.!.(except I am female)!.
Love it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like the way it rymes showing that u were miserable made the poem really strong!i love it!Www@QuestionHome@Com