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Position:Home>Poetry> Another poem and i want you to be honest?Question: Another poem and i want you to be honest!? Painful times of the past
My own personal hell Will my suffering last I’m surrounded in a cell One embarrassing time After another for me Another hellish time Another memory Life equals pain It only brings misery I’m drowning in the rain The pain was all secrecy Am I under a curse Is there a demon within Could my life be worse Then the pain I am inWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: i really like it, dont change it, well done!!Www@QuestionHome@Com It sounds like teenaged angst The only thing i can think of is emo, i get a picture of some kid wearing all black, whining about nothing and cutting themselves Lacks maturity, you would be better off describing what caused the pain, showing the reader the pain!.!.!. making the reader feel the pain!.!.!. thats the key to good poetryWww@QuestionHome@Com Very good!. Are you in a sad situation and did you find the composing of it cathartic!? Life doesn`t stay the same, things do get better!Www@QuestionHome@Com Would make good lyrics for a brooding Manchester~style pop song!. Have you thought about songwriting at all!? Hey, maybe you ARE from Manchester!Www@QuestionHome@Com Its good but needs a little polishing , the rain bit is a bit eek , the grammar too , overall good effort that needs workWww@QuestionHome@Com Since it looks like you're working with an ABAB rhyme scheme, I would try breaking it up into four stanzas of four lines and see how that works!. Form is always fun to play with :)Www@QuestionHome@Com Speaking honestly, I think that's very beautiful and I can relate to what you're saying!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Very good - its expressive without going into detail - I like itWww@QuestionHome@Com its a good poem!. but a sad 1 at that!. is at a personnal 1!?!?!? is the poem about u!?!?!? xxWww@QuestionHome@Com simply magnificentWww@QuestionHome@Com I think it is really good and i can relate to it!. Great job!!Www@QuestionHome@Com its good but the rain bit is a bit lowsy might want to change it a lil xxWww@QuestionHome@Com Its ok not bad!. Well doneWww@QuestionHome@Com i think its great! good metaphors!!Www@QuestionHome@Com I LOVE it but it kinda depresses me!.!.!.!. enter it in www!.poetry!.comWww@QuestionHome@Com i think it was good but ive read better ones from youWww@QuestionHome@Com |