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Position:Home>Poetry> First draft poem, be honest, i want ture criticism, if its rubbish, good or keepQuestion: First draft poem, be honest, i want ture criticism, if its rubbish, good or keep it as it is!? Fire is truly amazing
The flames twists and curls As it moves and try shaping Into a form to explore the world Then disappears to be reborn Into another pattern, Its ever glowing beauty is warm Watch its glory happen Its flames cry encore As it attempts a get away Into freedom once more It’s born to explore a new way To keep going eternally And quickly learns a tactic To exist for an eternity Its wonders feel like magicWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: its good i like the way it captures vibrant images in my mind, maybe just a couple of words that i would change to make it flow more but then thats just my opinion well doneWww@QuestionHome@Com Its good, but some of the grammar at the top could be better!. for example, the second line should be: "The flames twist and curl" or "The flame's twists and curls" Similar problems exist in the next few lines, and it makes parts of the poem hard to read and interpret!. But, I enjoyed the feel of the ideas in the poem as a whole!.Www@QuestionHome@Com it is nice but needs a little fix in some lines like line 2Www@QuestionHome@Com Some grammaticl errors in the lines, but the content is fine!. You've said what you wanted to say which is the most important thing about this type of art!. I have over 120 poems written, they're on fictionpress www!.fictionpress!.com/~theungreatful Check them out if you like!.Www@QuestionHome@Com A good idea!. But 'The flames twists and curls!.!.!.'!? Either the flame twists or the flames twist, surely!. Perhaps it's a typo!. And 'watch its glory happen'!? A bit clumsy!. I can't say it moves me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Its a bit odd, but you have great wordchice and style! You used rhyming in an odd way, but it worked! 9!.3 out of 10Www@QuestionHome@Com I like poetry but not yours!. It is the ramblings of a child!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I think that it is V good!.!. i like it as is!.!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com Dont discard it if you wrote it from your heart!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.It is thoughtfulWww@QuestionHome@Com |