Please help me with my first short story?

Question: Please help me with my first short story!?

anything wrong with it besides the title!?
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

There's nothing is wrong that I can see save a mispelling here or there!. Otherwise a quite reputable short-short good job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Your story is really good!. Have a great day!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Good!.!.!.very enticing and well thought outWww@QuestionHome@Com

really good, you got a unique style :)Www@QuestionHome@Com