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Question: What do you think of this poem!?(constructive criticism appreciated)!?
Trapped in my mind
Blood drops of betrayal pour!.
Confusion!.
Have I been denied what was mine!?
Or has it never been!?
Ownership!.
Never owned!.
Only was owned!.
Blind in the lonesome darkening haunting fields of this cage!.
Broken heart!.
Is it undeserving of healing!?
It lays!.
On the floor once again!.
My wrists lay open!.
Blood!.
More blood!.
Blood of betrayal and broken trust!.
My eyes!.
They have run out of tears!.
As I lay crying, begging, bleeding!.
Is there someone to save me!?
My savior is the one who cut me open!.
Love!.
Do we all need another excuse to be hurt!?
Is it only a shade covering and hiding the truth which lies within!?
Or is it maybe the greatest thing on this earth!?
Who's here to save me!?
I don't want to bleed anymore!.
I don't want to cry anymore!.
I don't want to beg pathetically anymore!.
I can't be alone anymore!.
Before it kills me!.
Someone stitch this bleeding heart!.
Someone pick the pieces of my heart up!.
Someone give me a reason
A reason to live!.
Someone!.
Someone!.
Someone save me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I am an English teacher and I think it is very powerful, and obviously comes from deep anguish and sadness!. I like the repetition of beginning phrases and the use of alliteration!.

But, I also am a little worried!. There is a lot of inference to suicide!. Many times poetry is a deep expression of self!. Please, if you do feel suicidal, talk to someone who will listen!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

the repetition adds a strong feeling to it!.
"Blind in the lonesome darkening haunting fields of this cage!."
too much description, i think, made it a bit overdramatic!.!.

but over all, its really emotional


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My husband sent in one of my poems to poetry!.com!. without my knowledge!. They said it was great, and of course wanted to put it in a book!. They wanted to sell me one or more of the books of course!. I am sure they have stolen my poem!. Of course no compensation to me!. I also say, don't go there!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I will edit my answer tomorrow and give you an in-depth critique, but just now I have to say DO NOT got to Poetry!.com it is a SCAM!. They will print your poem in a coffee table book and then try to sell you the book WITHOUT paying you for the publication of your poem!. They don't critique or even check your poem for spelling - everyone gets the same letter no matter how good their poem is!. DO NOT GO THERE!

Sorry I don't have time to critique your poem tonight!. I look forward to reading it and I'll bookmark this page so I remember to come back - I just had to warn you tonight!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

your poem is very nice it lets the reader know that you are in pain i think you should enter it at poetry!.com they critique all poems and this site lets the whole world see your work!. my work is displayed on the site and i have won 4 awards in the last 6 years!.i have a confession though i have not written in a long while melanie g walker!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.while you are there check out the other poets your work is very goodWww@QuestionHome@Com