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Question: 10 pts! My poem!.!.!.could you share your thoughts!?
Anita's Poem
Sands aroused around,
Drifting in this oasis,
Lost until she's found,
Her allure in my midst!.
Standing here in Arabia,
Scent of a desert rose,
This seductive Cinderella,
A flower that bestows!.
Her perfume fills my air,
Helpless for any rain,
Love hindered I despair,
Thoughts of her strained!.
Her soft petals are bliss,
In a garden we can't see,
This an intoxicating wish,
To give what she needs!.
Slow clouds pass above,
Though no redemption fall,
But to her it's about love,
And she has me enthralled!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It is excellent!.
Throughout you fill the stanzas with a sultry seduction -- from dry sands (lack of love) through the discovery in the Oasis of the wonders and magic of a lover, to the climax where your heart has been captured by her and you are enthralled!.
You have stuck to one format throughout, kept your meter close, and created a visual imagery through which my mind can wander!.
That is the mark of an excellent poet!. Quite possibly, those that don't know how to read poetry are the ones who did not like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Ok!. It's not terrible!. It has some very nice imagery!. It could use an edit , don't take offense!.!.!.I rewrite my work all the time!.
Here is an example!.
Sands aroused abound
drifting about the oasis!.
Lost yet never really gone
Her allure on my mind!.
You get the idea!.!.!.cut some words and substitute others!. Play with the meanings, layer your poems, be somewhat ambiguous!. good luck and I do like your poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it is great but the last paragraph isnt really!. soz!. i think maybe u need a last sentence with 1 more word in it!. instead of!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. And she has me enthralled!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.i think u should add 1 more word into it to make it complete!.
OTHERWISE IT IS REALLY GOOD!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Goodness, it's really good!. It was so descriptive!. I was in that place you spoke of!. You have a gift fo'real!. I'm impressed!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think any girl would love to receive the poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
im a tough critic, and i like this!. really got great imageryWww@QuestionHome@Com