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Question: Comment on this poetry plz~ the longer the better! =)!?
Ghosts
In my house lives some ghosts
Mischief is their second name
They are always drinking toasts
From my best champagne
I cant say theyre as drunk as Lords
For that would be going too far
But they often rattle their swords
As they stand inside my bar
They tell pretty tall tales
Of things that happened in the past
Then they break out into wails
Even my stocks of champagne will not last
I await the day when I can join the throng
For I too have many a tale to tell
I'll drink and join in with a song
For I have a voice as sweet as a bell
I hope the new owner has a taste for beer
For that's my favourite you know
Then above my wails I'll give a cheer
As the beer slowly down my gullet does go
I dont mind the Ghosts in my house
They give it quite an air
I'll act as quiet as a mouse
As long as I get my fair share
The ghosts have been there for as long as I can remember
They treat my house as their own
They can stay January to December
And call my house their homeWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is bloody brilliant, i love poems and this is the best i have ever heard!. I dont think you need to improove it because it is so good!. I write my own poems all day long and the words you use like 'sweet as a bell' it makes you think how can a bell be sweet!. its a metaphore and i love using them!. You should really make a book of poems like this and publish it, i would buy it for sure!. wtg love it!. deep down inside i would rate it 100% great!. i love it so much!. as my brother would say, "you have made my day :D"!.
bubi
xxWww@QuestionHome@Com
If it's possible try not saying everything so direct, a bit of mystery always impresses a reader!. also try creating some images of the ghosts appearance, for example the first line you could say guzzling ghosts, ok thats really bad, I'm certain you could think of better!. Sorry for being so critical, it's a good poem with an interesting story!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
is it ghost or is it you!? i can't tell the different anymore
for as far as we know i'm just the guy next door
what can i say about the words that you pile
well it quite making myself want to smile
but please don't make me give long answer as you are
and for that i will give you a one big and nice star
have a nice day!Www@QuestionHome@Com
In my house live many ghosts!.
From bottles of my best champagne
Sharing my home for as long as I remember
These are the only suggestion that I can make to this brilliantly funny poem!.
I bow in homage to your fine work!.
RobertWww@QuestionHome@Com
Its good, but i think it would make it just a bit better if you put a comma after your rhymes so it can be read easier and should flow more!.
But its really good :)Www@QuestionHome@Com