Do you like my new poem? g.a.a.s.g.?

Question:the whore

by frank

the whore that boiled my balls
she got so hot i couldn't handle
her calls
i'd run over and get us some gin
walk her dogs and do it again
she'd smoke cigarettes
and talk about her pain
cook a good breakfast
and then go insane
her meltdowns came
right out of the blue
made you think that
it was about you
but then she'd use
her body to get you back
spend all night rocking her
in the sack
bed springs squeeking through
shrieks of joy
wake up naked and enjoy
the first rays of the new rising sun
walk out the door and know you
aren't the one
to fix her ****
she was broken from the start
so leave her behind
and let it be known
another piece of me
has ripped off and
flown down the road

frank

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: the whore

by frank

the whore that boiled my balls
she got so hot i couldn't handle
her calls
i'd run over and get us some gin
walk her dogs and do it again
she'd smoke cigarettes
and talk about her pain
cook a good breakfast
and then go insane
her meltdowns came
right out of the blue
made you think that
it was about you
but then she'd use
her body to get you back
spend all night rocking her
in the sack
bed springs squeeking through
shrieks of joy
wake up naked and enjoy
the first rays of the new rising sun
walk out the door and know you
aren't the one
to fix her ****
she was broken from the start
so leave her behind
and let it be known
another piece of me
has ripped off and
flown down the road

frank

Bitter, touching, raw. I like it very much. It's not strictly for boys, is it? Girls like it too...

i love it

Yeah, but for me, sex at its worst is still pretty good.
Minor points: It's "squeaking." You begin by telling us you are "frank," and you end by repeating it. There's such a thing as being too frank. What I read was "to fix her ****". If you want to leave this to our imaginations, OK. But if you want to tell us what was broken, there are ways to do so. Anyway, it's no big deal. It's too bad you had to "leave her behind." It was probably her best feature.

Yep, I do like your poem - it flows along telling a story which is bitter sweet and totally from the man's point of view (write another as if you are her -I dare you)
I feel you didn't have to edit etc. this - it must have just natural evolved.

Thanks
(ps - being old I've forgotten what we are supposed to do with g.a.a.s.g!)

Outside of the first two lines, a sensitive Frank appears. this is a good look at emotions and needs. I think you should take GrannyJills dare and write one from the woman's point of view.

Agreeing with G. & N., both of whom have apparently had more coffee than I have. (A 'sensitive' Frank?) Did Scarlet write that...Frank LY...never mind, it's brew time!

I like it.
Come on Frank, take the dare.
I wanna see it.
Nice work:)