A new poem from me? A new approach? Your comments?

Question:I never knew love.
I'm murder's explanation.
Humanity's alibi.
Living lie.
A defecation.

You despise me.
Yet best believe you're despised
You bore me.
And ignore what's in my eyes.
The revenge that I seek
Has me living on a see saw.
The rage that I keep
Has me biting my inner jaw.

Make a fist and release.
Make a fist and release.
Make a fist and release.
Who tempted the beast?
Who opened the cage?
Turned me loose on these streets?
Who fueled my rage?
Who turned on the heat?

My toiletries get more pity than I.
Remember?
Humanity's alibi?
The world wants me to die.
Yet I live in many a face
Place to place.
Transcending race.
Tempting fate.
For I am hate!

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I never knew love.
I'm murder's explanation.
Humanity's alibi.
Living lie.
A defecation.

You despise me.
Yet best believe you're despised
You bore me.
And ignore what's in my eyes.
The revenge that I seek
Has me living on a see saw.
The rage that I keep
Has me biting my inner jaw.

Make a fist and release.
Make a fist and release.
Make a fist and release.
Who tempted the beast?
Who opened the cage?
Turned me loose on these streets?
Who fueled my rage?
Who turned on the heat?

My toiletries get more pity than I.
Remember?
Humanity's alibi?
The world wants me to die.
Yet I live in many a face
Place to place.
Transcending race.
Tempting fate.
For I am hate!

There is no denying the power and passionate fury of this poem. You have a deep understanding of human nature, both the positive and the negative, and this is expertly crafted into your writings. The fact that this poem is so "out of character" testifies to this by defining the opposite of your usual content. Despite the adverse tenor of the poem, it is wonderfully done. Thank you.

i feel you, so its pretty good.

Hi Semper This is very out of character for you. sounds like the devil got hold of someone. I know it is snot you but I hope you will go back to your other approach. I love them. God Bless

Super fierce with fiery emotion. I like it.

That is really a great heartfelt poem and you really did a wonderful job Semper fi ..It's bare knuckle to the bone and i felt it all the way.I know it's a different style but you did a fantastic job '

This is so well done. The final stanza seems to mature and solidify the rest, as if the chalky grit of anger had to grow a protective plaque in order to stand alone. This is what Yahoo!Answers can do to a sane and somber man. Perfect. TD

Really good! You have given a voice to people who are usually unable to say anything and whose only language is violence. Wonderful rhythm, and I love the repeated line in the third stanza.

This is really good. A couple of comments (strictly my opinion here so evaluate it as you like):

I would consider cutting the first line to enhance the mystery and tension ("a little sympathy for the devil if you will").

You have a nice flow and rhythm. You may want to consider removing the two "that's" on L10 and L12.

I like your repetition of "Make a fist and release". You may want to mix it up a bit on the third repetition and end with "Make a fist". It might give you that added tension and intensity.

I wasn't sure what you were going for with the toiletries choice. It doesn't sound bad, I just didn't connect with it.

You may want to cut the first question mark on Remember.

The poem from the world wants me to die practically explodes to the end. You end it very well.

It's a change from your usual work but it is very good.

I hope some of that helped.

Best,

Todd

This is certainly a first for you. It carried me through from beginning to end. As for the ugly side of hate, there is no other side.

this is jaw dropping good. you definitely painted an accurate view of hate. as ugly as it is, you were able to capture it in words. bravo to you semper fi...amazing work.

Go Marines

Sounds like one of the songs that were coming out during the Vietnam crap !
When will people WAKE UP !!??

I rarely say this, but this is absolutely awesome!!!! It's evocative, with great word choice, emotion, use of repetition and structure that greatly contributes to the overall quality of this poem. Plus, by reading this, it makes me feel, and plus it reminds me of some events in my life.

So, I truly enjoyed this, and I find it quite beautiful.

Thanks for sharing.