Poem i wrote...just wanna know what u think?

Question:Who knows?

Fears envelop
doubt consumes
failures amount
Pressure breaks
Ends Begin
Lost is found
Greed overwhelms
Righteous faulter
Saviors ignore
The dead teach us
Weak cope
Strong get left
Smiles are taken
From wanting faces
Why are we here
Out of all these places
I cant begin to tell
But i can try
Take a look into my hell
Cause its where you'll fry
But keep your head up
and you'll see
that if you take from the forbidden cup
sometimes a little darkness is all you need

well....thats it...constructive criticism appreciated

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Who knows?

Fears envelop
doubt consumes
failures amount
Pressure breaks
Ends Begin
Lost is found
Greed overwhelms
Righteous faulter
Saviors ignore
The dead teach us
Weak cope
Strong get left
Smiles are taken
From wanting faces
Why are we here
Out of all these places
I cant begin to tell
But i can try
Take a look into my hell
Cause its where you'll fry
But keep your head up
and you'll see
that if you take from the forbidden cup
sometimes a little darkness is all you need

well....thats it...constructive criticism appreciated

This deserves a lot of credit to the one who wrote it... I find that reading all different flavors of poetry really helps me and this... I love it. Pleas do not take this as gawking because I do not gawk but I found something within your words that gave me comfort and pain at the same time. The contrast and eloquence you have achieved is beautiful.

It is not perfect but nothing is... you have a style all your own and I would appreciate if I could see more...

Sometimes something grabs you and makes you feel something... you don't know why or how, but it does. This has done that. I am no good at critiquing. i do not know how you should improve technically (grammar, spelling, rhythm or flow) but I do know that, all of that aside, you have a very good poetic voice.

Keep it going and do not ever let anyone bring you down. It doesn't matter what I say or anyone else, you are the one to determine if you get better or if you give up. Don't give up on this... it would be a shame to lose such an artist...

loved it!

very cool

That's so awesomely emo!
Lol.
No, seriously, I liked it. It's kind of dark, obviously, but it's good. Very deep.

I LVOE THIS I mean some of the parts were like off topic but I really did like it...... I really did

It almost needs a break somewhere between "why are we here" and "out of all these places". I mean an actual physical break.

You have all these toughts, and then one great one at the end. Make it stand out.

depressing

wow that was a little depressing

i like it. Actually i really like it. Well done!!!

Interesting
Quite abit of the poem is true
I will mention what I mean
from doubt consumes
greed overwhelms
The dead teach us
Why are we here
there could be different reasons.

superb and mindboggling.Each and every line gives a sense. Will have a good future if u develop this talent of writing.