Read if you have the stomach....critiques welcome?

Question:This is the way it is; this was my destiny for
The dead are looking at me as they appear at my
Bed, pulling my covers as
I scream, trying to wake; the floor is covered
with blood, a still lake of black blood.
Black, darkness, no thoughts except of
The end of a life of living nightmares.
The end, it's oblivion, the end, black, all black
Six feet under in the cold ground, black, no air,
Suffocation. Finally, the time arrives to
Enter the darkness and remove the coins
From your eyes to pay the boatman so you
May cross the Styx and join
Your brothers of the battlefield.
Sleep, oh sleep, come to me in my exhaustion
Without the dreams of a kill, killing, murder,
Murdering, tormenting me in my waking hours
Laying awake, awake, thinking; sleep, sleep, for
Thoughts of a normal life, hoping, praying
They will enter my dreams of war, war, war.
Happiness is just a dream, just a dream,
As I continue dreaming, when I can sleep; sleep,
Sleep that beautiful sleep.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: This is the way it is; this was my destiny for
The dead are looking at me as they appear at my
Bed, pulling my covers as
I scream, trying to wake; the floor is covered
with blood, a still lake of black blood.
Black, darkness, no thoughts except of
The end of a life of living nightmares.
The end, it's oblivion, the end, black, all black
Six feet under in the cold ground, black, no air,
Suffocation. Finally, the time arrives to
Enter the darkness and remove the coins
From your eyes to pay the boatman so you
May cross the Styx and join
Your brothers of the battlefield.
Sleep, oh sleep, come to me in my exhaustion
Without the dreams of a kill, killing, murder,
Murdering, tormenting me in my waking hours
Laying awake, awake, thinking; sleep, sleep, for
Thoughts of a normal life, hoping, praying
They will enter my dreams of war, war, war.
Happiness is just a dream, just a dream,
As I continue dreaming, when I can sleep; sleep,
Sleep that beautiful sleep.

ooo i like it!! it's very dark and makes you feel what the writer is feeling. one of my fave poets is edgar allen poe so of course i would like this lol i'm not a dark person..im actually a christian but i really feel like there's beauty in someone that can put death and evil in a poetic form.

Fair forward Dear Friend. A better life awaits. Or does it? I certainly don't know.

that is really good... i wanted to keep on reading on.

dude that's some friggin good poetry. i love how you said you lay "awake, awake, thinking; sleep, sleep" that's one awesome line among all the awesomeness in this poem. good job!

I like this very much, but you could trim some words taht are unnecessary. It would also help the rhythym of the poem. I love the imagery and write similar to this.

I agree very very good descrptions but, some rythum would certainly make it an amazing poem!