Position:Home>Poetry> My Star....Please read and critique?

Question:I woke early; a rare event;
Frustrated I waited for the sun
To rise, and to the east I kept
My gaze as the light rose from
The horizon, as if it were sent
From above. The glow of that ball
Rising and rising, and getting bright,
And brighter until my head would fall
No longer see it with my teared eyes.
The morning frost was gone now
And I basked in the rays when I
Noticed our star descending to the west.
In my observations I have found
The second hand takes one minute
To go around. No sense in calculating
The time I had with the sun,
But I watched it's orange glow more and more
Jealousy; it lowered and lowered giving light
To people I don't know, and don't care for.

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I woke early; a rare event;
Frustrated I waited for the sun
To rise, and to the east I kept
My gaze as the light rose from
The horizon, as if it were sent
From above. The glow of that ball
Rising and rising, and getting bright,
And brighter until my head would fall
No longer see it with my teared eyes.
The morning frost was gone now
And I basked in the rays when I
Noticed our star descending to the west.
In my observations I have found
The second hand takes one minute
To go around. No sense in calculating
The time I had with the sun,
But I watched it's orange glow more and more
Jealousy; it lowered and lowered giving light
To people I don't know, and don't care for.

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I like it. Ugh...I can't figure out what I'm trying to say, but when I do figure it out, I'll come back and edit. But for now, I'll just say it's an excellent poem!!

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i really like it. It shows this 'love' between you and the sun.
It's great, really.

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