A rearrangement of a poem previously posted...will you kindly offer your thought

Question:Pain's Aftermath

I'm not quite sure when or why
I started building walls.
Four walls soon constructed
I've built myself a room.
No windows here, no doors
A complete and solid room.
I'm the only one who knows
Inside this room is pain.

I'm not quite sure when or why
I started building rooms.
In time I come to realize
I've built myself a house.
No one can visit here
There's no entrance to be found.
A fortress filled with misery
No one dares penetrate.

I'm not quite sure when or why
I built this wretched house.
It's lonely here inside this place
I never meant to build.
And now that it's erected
To my horror it's occurred,
That with no doors or windows
There's no hope for my escape.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Pain's Aftermath

I'm not quite sure when or why
I started building walls.
Four walls soon constructed
I've built myself a room.
No windows here, no doors
A complete and solid room.
I'm the only one who knows
Inside this room is pain.

I'm not quite sure when or why
I started building rooms.
In time I come to realize
I've built myself a house.
No one can visit here
There's no entrance to be found.
A fortress filled with misery
No one dares penetrate.

I'm not quite sure when or why
I built this wretched house.
It's lonely here inside this place
I never meant to build.
And now that it's erected
To my horror it's occurred,
That with no doors or windows
There's no hope for my escape.

I like the line breaks better in this version, but I'm undecided on whether or not I like it better in the first-person or second-person. Both work for it.

Really good and well written.......do you mean 'grave'?
or a life, secluded and sequestered.......as Thomas Gray wrote
'Far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife'?

anyway, the poem is really a nice one.....emotions are well expressed...the pain of confinement! yes!
keep writing and good wishes!

Your pain-filled words have created poignant and intense images. I can completely relate to your sorrowful confinement and feeling of lack of hope as that is the place where I was not long ago, making the poem all that much more meaningful. My philosophy is that since you have created you own reality, you can also deconstuct it and build a new one- in other words, there is always hope. I really appreciate the effort you put into this incredible poem. Thank you.