Does this poem sound okay for the emotion of relief?

Question:Sweet tide, let loose your hold
and break those ties here formed.
Let the sky open freely,
Weep.. freely a storm onto the pavement-
so scorched by that stone in the sky.
Allow the string to loose bonding,
to jet free back to its starting point
and snap! into slumber.
Sweet tide, let loose this bond.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Sweet tide, let loose your hold
and break those ties here formed.
Let the sky open freely,
Weep.. freely a storm onto the pavement-
so scorched by that stone in the sky.
Allow the string to loose bonding,
to jet free back to its starting point
and snap! into slumber.
Sweet tide, let loose this bond.

The rhythm mimics a sense of relief.