A ride on the waves of the sun, WILL YOU COMMENT?

Question:Web-Minded

Tangled are the webbed mind strings
Of this daughter of the night
Full of creeping, gnarled things
And wound up very tight
Have a care if you should seek
And take a sip of tea
To tea with she would be to seek
A too soon reverie
Her words would pound upon the mind
And on the heart would freeze
The trickle of her sickly thought
The smartest brain would seize
She locks up all the lullabies
She never lets them loose
She binds them like she binds the flies
And hangs them from a noose
And ever more we mourn the souls
Who ventured far too near
Those who may not head this tale
Should get away from here

This one comes from my love of Halloween and the stories it can tell… I know it is not fall but I like to write about anything I feel at the time… hope you like it and I wait for comments.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Web-Minded

Tangled are the webbed mind strings
Of this daughter of the night
Full of creeping, gnarled things
And wound up very tight
Have a care if you should seek
And take a sip of tea
To tea with she would be to seek
A too soon reverie
Her words would pound upon the mind
And on the heart would freeze
The trickle of her sickly thought
The smartest brain would seize
She locks up all the lullabies
She never lets them loose
She binds them like she binds the flies
And hangs them from a noose
And ever more we mourn the souls
Who ventured far too near
Those who may not head this tale
Should get away from here

This one comes from my love of Halloween and the stories it can tell… I know it is not fall but I like to write about anything I feel at the time… hope you like it and I wait for comments.

I don't think it's redundant at all. You spin a million stories here within your web that is all spidery. First, there is the tale of the spider, ensnaring the fly. Secondly, there is a beautiful woman who can do nothing with love because she ensnares those she loves ever so dangerously. Third, a capricious goddess who loves to wreak havoc with the world. So many connotations, so little time. I will say, though, that this is one of your best. I love it, and you darling.

That is deep and yet confusing, though deep usually is. I liked it very much. I have stopped writing poetry much and I think I should get back into it more. Thank you for inspiring me!

Enjoyable! Your 'creeping, gnarled things' did catch my eye!

wow..so deep! i love it.

Amazing, it was just... great, captivating, dark and full of feeling. Great job.

It could use some polishing to get it shining. The rhyme scheme is what threw me the most. mind/thought -- souls/tale. Those little things stood out with the rest of it being ABABCDCD then EFGF/ HIHI/JKLK. Also, you should really think about using proper punctuation; it's not enough just to break things up into lines. Poetry calls for punctuation more than regular prose (In my opinion).
Have you ever thought about a terza rima structure?

To tea with she? And not with thee and me? It is for to laugh. Tea-hee. (Actually, it works fine. I just wanted to TEAse you.)

Penultimate line: It should be "heed this tale."

I know this gal, I spied 'er on the tree.
I said "hurrah, kid."
"It's arachnid", said she.