Did you think it was over?

Question:I had not planned on stopping until Part VII

Part VI

Falling on the stone of floor
The numbness had been shattered
Her bloodstained hands from fire, were sore
But pain had never mattered
Her only love had been with her
And she had not accepted
The wells of sorrow within stir
The Siren felt rejected
“I have slain the only thing”
“That ever sought to love me”
“Now I will no longer sing”
“Nor seek the peace and revere”
The god-man rose and ventured forth
A heart of apprehension
She felt far less than his low worth
Averting her attention
“I have done far worse deeds”
“Then you have done this day”
“My heart for sins MY own, bleeds”
“For the one I have betrayed”

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I had not planned on stopping until Part VII

Part VI

Falling on the stone of floor
The numbness had been shattered
Her bloodstained hands from fire, were sore
But pain had never mattered
Her only love had been with her
And she had not accepted
The wells of sorrow within stir
The Siren felt rejected
“I have slain the only thing”
“That ever sought to love me”
“Now I will no longer sing”
“Nor seek the peace and revere”
The god-man rose and ventured forth
A heart of apprehension
She felt far less than his low worth
Averting her attention
“I have done far worse deeds”
“Then you have done this day”
“My heart for sins MY own, bleeds”
“For the one I have betrayed”

Coming from you, "not the best" is still pretty damn good.
And here are some comments*: "reverie" is the word I think you want, not "revere."
Although poetry permits a more relaxed use of punctuation, it does have its uses. Sometimes the absence of a jot here and a tittle there causes needless confusion. For instance, when I saw "within stir" I immediately pictured our heroine being in "the big house." I would do it thus: "The wells of sorrow within,stir." I think that the completion of a line serves as well as a comma, but a period tells us immediately where the end of the sentence is, without having to stop the flow by rereading in the middle of everything.
"Far less" then two lines later, "far worse"- maybe a touch repetitive, get out the thesaurus and spice it up a little.
So only one more to go! I can't wait to read the whole epic together.

It's beautiful...

I liked it except for the first line......stone of floor? I'd change it to stone, cold floor or something like that. But you have talent and I hope you continue with writing poetry.

I actually enjoy the way it says, "stone of floor." it fits the beat and takes a different spin then others would... You are right, I like some of the others more but this is still keeping very close to the same essence.

I knew it could not be done... but Hun, don't over-do anything. While this is marvelous, there is a thing called quitting while you have a good thing.

I have to read them from the begining, can you email me the links when you finish?

I wouldn't know, I did not get a chance to read the first ones... This one was great though, I have to admit.

Eva, never loved,
felt sorrow
that she could not share
their tomorrow.

She hovered oe'r
and waited for
the confession,
her obsession

to see the truth
brought out in light,
so she could return
to her night

and sleep in peace forever.

This isn't the best that you've done, but it's not awful. So, part VII, where is it my sweet?