Please comment on my poem, called falling?

Question:What do you think, where could i improve?

Falling

Falling through the air
i feel a sudden pause,
time stops quick
as i begin to feel the fall,

Fields down below are just a speck
as i hurtle towards the ground,
a second feels like an hour
the rush goes through my blood,
unable to control
what i wish that i could,

Though people love the feeling
of no ropes or boundaries,
i feel time is precious
as i turn around to see,
my parachute bloom into spring
its colours i see to vividly,
it gulps up all the air
as i fall to earth gradually....

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: What do you think, where could i improve?

Falling

Falling through the air
i feel a sudden pause,
time stops quick
as i begin to feel the fall,

Fields down below are just a speck
as i hurtle towards the ground,
a second feels like an hour
the rush goes through my blood,
unable to control
what i wish that i could,

Though people love the feeling
of no ropes or boundaries,
i feel time is precious
as i turn around to see,
my parachute bloom into spring
its colours i see to vividly,
it gulps up all the air
as i fall to earth gradually....

I think it's beautiful.
The only thing I don't so much care for is the veryy last word: gradually. It just doesn't seem as poetic & it pretty much brings me back from the art you've painted with the previous verses. Use an online thesaurus to see if you find any other words would be my opinion.

It really is lovely though.

I agree, just take out "gradually" at the end. Very nice.

its horribly generic. it sounds like it was written for a 9th grade english class assignment.

i love it
in middle, i was an English geek... so i looooove poetry...
i think its very beautiful
the pictures u painted in my mind are astounding!!!

It is nice, I like the second ending better though. It is really pretty. I like poems.