Poem for English class, like it?

Question:I had to write a poem about the holocaust for English class, did it in like 15 minutes, not really into it what do you think, btw my persona is a sixty year old Jewish man.

Empiricism

Dignity stripped away
Sixty years in the making
With the civilized practices of a master race

Wisdom helps little
The killing as random as rain
As frequent as rain

Age pardons little
Eyes of Aryans
Indiscriminate selectors

Experience benefits little
Discouragement as consistent as hunger

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I had to write a poem about the holocaust for English class, did it in like 15 minutes, not really into it what do you think, btw my persona is a sixty year old Jewish man.

Empiricism

Dignity stripped away
Sixty years in the making
With the civilized practices of a master race

Wisdom helps little
The killing as random as rain
As frequent as rain

Age pardons little
Eyes of Aryans
Indiscriminate selectors

Experience benefits little
Discouragement as consistent as hunger

It's not bad but it could stand to be a little longer and perhaps you could consider changing the two back to back rains in the 2nd paragraph. Maybe change the second rain to pain for example.

thats really amazing

makes me feel kinda sad..... but big strong words and all that, so woah. amazing

hopefully u get a good mark for it lol

xxxxxxx this is coming from someone who cant write a 400word piece for creative writing. last one i did was 814 when it was meant to be 400 lol

xxx

This is pretty good. I thought 'pain' was a better choice, as well. You have a nice structure here. The politics is OK, but it's a fairly common opinion. Good for a English Class, short on Philosophy (a little).

Overall, a strong piece. TD