Will you offer your critique on my poem?

Question:I Will Not Let You See
I will not let you see in me
That which you have achieved.
For laying bare this grief you've bred
You'll have defeated me.
Instead I'll take this pain you've caused
And learn a thing or two.
And when I've turned it into strength
I'll have defeated you.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I Will Not Let You See
I will not let you see in me
That which you have achieved.
For laying bare this grief you've bred
You'll have defeated me.
Instead I'll take this pain you've caused
And learn a thing or two.
And when I've turned it into strength
I'll have defeated you.

Now, this is beautiful, precise, and goes straight to whatever vital organ you intended this knife to pierce. If you're looking for critique, the only think I will advise is to separate the stanzas.

L1
L2
L3
L4

L5
L6
L7
L8

That way, when the eviscerating end comes around, it's not like you've run a marathon and gasped out the end. It's like you savored a chocolate truffle, only to find the cyanide pill hidden in the nougat. Sorry, I love chocolate.
Anyway, this is another beautiful, precisely rhythmed and rhymed work from Christine Louise.

its great.....really good :]

i really like it.
you are showing a pain, but are turning it into a positive.
which is good, everything should be positive in the end as lifes to short to focus on the bad things.

and i like how you are using the idea that spite, hate and pain creates us to better ourselves.

An excellent poem. I like the message, taking something that could have been devastating and turning it into a positive thing. Very good.

i agree with alyssa you take a negative into a positive. i would take the line "for laying bare this grief you've bred" into two lines like
for laying bare
this grief you've bred
so then it flows with the line following. other than that i don't see anything that's wrong its really good.

there is a great message in this poem

This is a nice refrain that flows well. Perhaps some more subtlety would enhance it more. Just a thought