A poem for you read, tell me what you think?

Question:The Eternal Child
by Dag Drahmr

Doctors have explored but none have found,
this eternal child of mine.
Thru muck I crawl the world spins round,
People say," Your life is fine."

In search of this child,
many seek but few have held,
behind the mask of time,
you will find this child of mine.

The eternal child lives deep within,
concealed behind veils so thin.
The love he wants he can not feel,
if this he recieve life it would fill.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: The Eternal Child
by Dag Drahmr

Doctors have explored but none have found,
this eternal child of mine.
Thru muck I crawl the world spins round,
People say," Your life is fine."

In search of this child,
many seek but few have held,
behind the mask of time,
you will find this child of mine.

The eternal child lives deep within,
concealed behind veils so thin.
The love he wants he can not feel,
if this he recieve life it would fill.

I like. The last line made me stumble in reading as it did not seem to flow as well. It would be interesting to read if after your first stanza, that really set the premise of the poem, that you continued on with actions that caused people to question although you were just searching in ways perhaps different than them but still the same in the end. Just a thought.

I like, like. Once in a while I come face to face with mine.

The poem encounters some bumps along the road to its conclusion, but the context is very touching. Eventually, all of us search for our "eternal child." Often he/she is extremely hard to find.

I have mine out in the open. She is there constantly and I have to protect her most of the time. The last couple of lines are sort of ill fitting but the poem's content is great.

Super! I like very much. Where have you been hiding with your poetry?!