Position:Home>Poetry> Is this poem good please answer!!!!!?

just keep it.
it gives you a sense of confidence if you make it alone.
plus, its really good anyways.

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i like it!

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this is incredible... and not in a good way

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There are some good poetic elements here. I would definitely make some changes, but then, I've been writing poetry 40 years.

There are some problems in the meter, starting with L4.
You started out alternating anapest and dactylic feet, but lost that rhythm completely right there.

In my dark (xx/) and stormy life
you came in (/xx) and made it bright,
and showed me (xx/) what love was like.

But then (x/) as the (xx) days passed (xx)

L4 begins with an iamb followed by two pyrrhic feet, thus ending the line with four unstressed syllables. My ear cried, "OUCH!" I'm not going to further scan the poem, but it appears to have lost its rhythm pattern and disintegrates into metrical chaos.

I'm sorry; that sounds so harsh, but do not despair! It can all be fixed. This is just a quickie to demonstrate repair. Separate your three-line stanzas. That'll help you see the poem's structure.

_____________________

In my dark and stormy life,
you came in and made it bright
and showed me what love was like.

Love and days enough then passed
to show that this love wouldn't last;
my heart resembled broken glass —

Nothing could exceed the cost,
each piece bleeding, scattered, lost,
once again on storm seas tossed.

_________________

Your metrical norm began with lines of seven syllables. That lends itself to the dactylic or anapest start, followed by a pair of iambs. But remember, that's just the basic structure.

Freedom, Robert Frost said, is moving easily within the harness! You can vary this a little bit — I hope so because I certainly did! I wanted to vary a lot more, but didn't so I wouldn't lose the teachable moment.

A second thing I want to mention is really most important. It's what poets call "sympathetic contract." This contract is an agreement between the poem and the reader that makes the sentiment somehow believable.

I altered the poem's final lines to take the blame off the other person, and simply show a broken heart for what it is. A poem that lays blame loses sympathetic contract, and in this case, the first stanza makes the reader somewhat sympathetic to the other person — the person who did make a positive change at some point.

Thank you for writing this poem. It will find a ready audience because most of us went through similar days discovering love.

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