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Question:In my observations I have found
The second hand
Takes one minute to go around.
I dare not remove my eyes from
This clock,
For if I do I fear time will cease
with everlasting torment,
and never peace.
My gaze is fixed on that hand.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock,
Driving me to madness, but
It cannot last!
I know my mind is hazy,
So I take a pill, so I will not be crazy.
I'm falling off the earth,
Falling towards a light.
I dare not turn left nor right
As I am fixed toward the heat
Of that ball of light; heaven?
I have heard of this phenomenon,
But as I draw closer, I start to burn.


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: In my observations I have found
The second hand
Takes one minute to go around.
I dare not remove my eyes from
This clock,
For if I do I fear time will cease
with everlasting torment,
and never peace.
My gaze is fixed on that hand.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock,
Driving me to madness, but
It cannot last!
I know my mind is hazy,
So I take a pill, so I will not be crazy.
I'm falling off the earth,
Falling towards a light.
I dare not turn left nor right
As I am fixed toward the heat
Of that ball of light; heaven?
I have heard of this phenomenon,
But as I draw closer, I start to burn.

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Not bad.

thats good

I enjoyed the first half of this piece but then you lose me, the entire concept shifts and the reader is left scrambling to understand. Maybe if you seperate each half and expand upon both.