What do you think of my poem!?

Question:A collection of thoughts
not well sorted
as collections are and were
this collection has exploded
into a fine frenzy
an outburst of insanity
the initial hysteria
has indeed set off
a flurry of excitement
more inflamed than the first
and throbs my head does
with its ever-present presence
Though it is not one to fight
my head finds itself exchanging blows
but it cannot triumph
because duel one cannot
with something that is nothing.

<3

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: A collection of thoughts
not well sorted
as collections are and were
this collection has exploded
into a fine frenzy
an outburst of insanity
the initial hysteria
has indeed set off
a flurry of excitement
more inflamed than the first
and throbs my head does
with its ever-present presence
Though it is not one to fight
my head finds itself exchanging blows
but it cannot triumph
because duel one cannot
with something that is nothing.

<3

It's a great basis for a fantastic poem, but it needs a bit of work. There are a few bits that don't quite make sense -the Yoda-speak word switching in a few sentences- and "with its ever-present presence" is a little awkward. Keep writing, my dear. You've really got something brewing there...

i really like it seems to have real emotions to it... GOOD JOB!

It's not bad, as raw material. However...
First of all, it doesn't really rhyme. It comes close in paper, but a real verse make it more coherent. Secondly, I'm not really sure what you're going for. As collections are and were? Are and were what? Not sorted? Exploded? Punctuation would help here. Lastly, why are you changing the syntax of your sentences? "one cannot" "my head does"? Think before you try unusual word combinations. Cliches should be avoided, but if you're going against traditional grammar, you should have a reason. You have some good lines. I like "flurry of excitement", it paints a pretty picture. Watch out for unnecessary words like "has indeed set off". If a word is superfluous, it waters down the poem. Hope this helps! Keep writing.

it is really good.
u are an awesome writer =]

I commented on one of your other poems and I htink this one is just as GOOD!!!!!!!

You are very very very very talented!! I think yo ucould make a living out of it!

Wow I am just out of words! you are amazing I am so jealous! LOL

AWESOMENESSNESS!!! And I think it's about being in love with someone you love and hate at the same time and condradicting yourself about it.