A poem to look at and criticize. How do u like it.?

Question:"bleeding trees"

Endless angusih running,
from my bloodshot eyes.
Standing on a frozen lake,
of my own icy tears.

The first light of spring,
the dark gloom of winter.
All of it's for real.
except the death of fall.

Her body long forgotten,
covered by rotting leaves.
On the banks I cry for you,
the banks of bleeding trees.

Snow whips my depression,
you pass before my eyes.
I never really understood,
you doubt my darkened love.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "bleeding trees"

Endless angusih running,
from my bloodshot eyes.
Standing on a frozen lake,
of my own icy tears.

The first light of spring,
the dark gloom of winter.
All of it's for real.
except the death of fall.

Her body long forgotten,
covered by rotting leaves.
On the banks I cry for you,
the banks of bleeding trees.

Snow whips my depression,
you pass before my eyes.
I never really understood,
you doubt my darkened love.

great piece, it clicks with me personally.

I love this poetic rendition:
Standing on a frozen lake,
of my own icy tears.

I like also parallelism here:
The first light of spring,
the dark gloom of winter.

It echoes Dido of Carthage with willow lamenting by the banks seeing Jason vanishing. Only here roles reversed, it is Jason weeping:
On the banks I cry for you,
the banks of bleeding trees.

Yes, the poem has some mysterious atmosphere of sweet darkened love!
I love it

Very good, i could feel ur despair.

preettttyy sweeeet :)

It's fairly unspectacular. You find these vapid, pretentious poems in droves on all manner of emo-sites.

really good, kinda confusing, but it makes you think about each word a little more. nice job

Omg that was soo good it was deep and has alot of imigry its amazing i love it!<3-+

This is a good poem. I also love to write poetry. The last stanza is really good. I can feel what the poem really means at that point. One thing that I just noticed upon re-reading this is that is your first stanza on the last line you say "of my own icy tears" and I think it should just be "of icy tears". I think that it flows better, because the reader previously understood that you were crying. Also I would look at the second stanza and rephrase it because it loses me a bit.

a re-write:

On the banks I cry for you,
the banks of bleeding trees.
Her body (long forgotten)
Covered by rotting leaves.

Standing on a frozen lake
of my own icy tears,
Endless anguish running
from my bloodshot eyes.

I never really understood,
you doubt my darkened love.

Personally I would leave out the rest, as I think those are your most powerful images. I think they are good images, well-written.

you are trying to hard to impress, you totally lost me . I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THE PASSING OF WINTER. then you changed your thoughts and you being a descriptive person made it sound like you buried your long lost love on the banks of the river and now are having regrets . sorry but you should try again .

I like this poem, you used stark color contrasts- like the gloom of winter and the light of spring, as well as visualizations of sorrow and pain- aka the bloodshot eyes, icy tears, bleeding trees, darkened love, etc. Your use of imagery is what caught my attention, you have the traits of a good poet ;)

i luv it even if it is dark. U have a lot of talent! congrats....it looks good!

exactly! whats wrong with being emo?! not all emo's cut! not all emo's where black! there are different types of emo's!
how many times do we have to tell them until they get it through their thick @$$ heads???
This poem was brilliantly emo! i loved it! i loved the "icy tears" part alot too. i look forward to read your poems everyday...i know i will...
~Grasshopper

ahh, wht? the anti-emo brigade out in force again?

not my favourite of yours, but that doesn't stop me seeing it's good. one note: i'm not sure 2/4 works...i just don't really understand it, i guess.