experienced writers give to amateur writers a

Question:I posted this question yesterday:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Today, my mother-in-law emailed me apologizing saying she didnt mean it in a "harsh" way, but she wanted to prepare me for the letdown I will face if I pursue a career in writing. She doesn't think it is a serious or wise career choice, and there is too much competition to stand out enough to go anywhere. She also made it a point to say that she read one of my poems online and "didn't get it."

I'm just very frustrated at the moment. Normally people who put me down, I just steer clear of. But obviously, I can't with this one.

Other than developing tough skin (I'm working on that), how do you handle the criticism you face as a writer? Has anything like this ever been said to you before?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I posted this question yesterday:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Today, my mother-in-law emailed me apologizing saying she didnt mean it in a "harsh" way, but she wanted to prepare me for the letdown I will face if I pursue a career in writing. She doesn't think it is a serious or wise career choice, and there is too much competition to stand out enough to go anywhere. She also made it a point to say that she read one of my poems online and "didn't get it."

I'm just very frustrated at the moment. Normally people who put me down, I just steer clear of. But obviously, I can't with this one.

Other than developing tough skin (I'm working on that), how do you handle the criticism you face as a writer? Has anything like this ever been said to you before?

Yes happens to me too. I'm the youngest of five in my family. Others are so-called professionals: accountant,lawyer,doctor,manager, etc. I was the only one who chose to study in the field of Arts. I took Literature. They looked down at me and say bad things. Then i graduated last year. They hoped that i would venture into the corporate world. Instead, i chose to do my Master program also in the field of English Literature. My brothers and sisters made such a big fuss about it saying that the Arts, literature included won't make me rich like them. Like i won't afford luxuries, going holidays abroad, BMW and Mercedes cars like they have. They ridiculed me for being in this line. They make fun of the thickness of my textbooks. They never recognized my inclination towards poetry. They don't care at all whenever i won a poetry contest or when my poems got published. Literature, arts and poetry belonged to only a certain group of people. Poetry, especially belongs to the elite group. People who have taste and flair for it. You are not alone. We all face this situation. Stick to your guts, interest and passion in life. Cause that is what defines who you are. =)

Critisim is the best thing you can get. Critisism tells you what is wrong, and if you listen you can learn. Of course there are the arrogant ones like my mother who said I would never get anywhere with it... 6 books later, I proved her wrong HA!!!!! Your mother in-law does make a good point though, you should have a job that pays so you can support your family until your real job takes off.
So what is the point? 1. listen, everyone can tell you something that is wrong, and you can fix it.
2. believe in your writting, if you do, you will know what is good and what blows.
3. On occasion, raise you middle finger and say "kiss my ___!" it will make you feel better

If you really want critisism sometime? hire an editor, now that is painful!!! but well worth it! That is if you listen, and remember these people get paid to do this, they know what is good and what sucks.

Millions of words, readers, thinkers but those who are good critics are rare. One must see the good with the bad, put themselves outside the editor box, and try to find the center of the poem and work outward from there to be a good critic.
Then they must understand that what the read may be entirely wrong, and not at all what the poet wrote. It takes courage to write, and courage to critique and edit.

The one thing you must always remember is this -- the person who loves or hates your work do so because they either can or can't relate to it. A critique is subjective, and only the good critics know that.

You must know in your mind that if you can't write, you will curl up and be nothing without the release of your own words! You write. You cease caring about what others have to say, but you take the information and put it in your database brain for these types of things.

If you believe in yourself, you will achieve. If you don't, and stop writing, you will never have even had the chance to reach your star.

I know five hundred poets. I know one that made a living at it. You never said anything about serious or wise. TD

It's a career choice she seems to be trying to push you away from. Is she a failed writer or one who had aspirations to write herself and then given them up?
When I wrote a piece for a nature magazine several years ago and it was published, I happily showed it to my family. My sister picked it up, quickly read it and walked away, saying nothing. It was one of my first published pieces, everyone else was ecstatic for me! My sister was simply jealous but I have to admit I was quite upset at the time. I got over it and have had poetry published and other short pieces as well as a few short stories. Each time she has done the same thing and she has not even written anything but a newsy letter to the family.

It's quite possible that your Mother in Law is simply being practical in her own way, women of the previous generation had few choices in careers. If they had dreams of doing certain things and it simply was not possible for them, then they likely feel that its not possible for you. Luckily if you are determined enough, things change.

By the way, you do develop the ability to let that sort of derogatory comment slide right off you, over time. I deal with it by simply ignoring what they said. If the criticism is from a peer, I will pay attention and consider it, if it in any way helps my writing. Otherwise I remember the words of Georgia O'Keefe, never listen to anything people have to say about your art.

Well criticism if it well placed can be a very good learning tool and can be used to help you improve on your skill. Now as for making a career out of being a writer, that may be somewhat difficult to achieve, and it may be quite easy to achieve, one never really knows. Funny thing, most people who have read anything I have written, don't "get it". As far as I am concern, whether someone "gets it" or not really makes no difference to me. Not everyone knows how to read properly, and perhaps they just need to read it a couple more times to understand it. Of course when someone close (a family member) says negative things as such, I tend to just take it in with a grain of salt. To myself my writing is quite fine, and that is good enough for me, since my writings are written basically for myself. Now I do like them to be shared and I do want them to be noticed and read by others, however that is not my main purpose for writing. I feel that one day, I will be recognized and my writings will be quite well known, even if it is past my life time.

When I do criticism I would do so
to help
this can be like for word change
For the beginner
have some patience
one is not always going to
come up with a poem everyday

Time and reflection are a good help. I haven't been writing as long as some about 16 years now...but you begin to see growth in your own writing. Early criticism to me seemed harsh but I know can see the benefit of the criticism as my work needed and still needs help.

That said, I think like any other skill it takes a while to benefit from criticism and sometimes you can only receive so much at once because technically you just are unable to "see it" yet.

So in short you handle criticism by continue to write and considering your progress over a period of years.

I don't know if that helps any but like most things it takes the long view.

Also as far as your mother-in-law is concerned some people will never "get" your work. It doesn't matter if writing is wise or not though. I don't expect writing to make me any money. I just expect it to be a creative outlet that makes me feel alive--and that is more than enough.

Hang in there.

I am a fairly new writer and believe me i have thick skin as i have had to but 2 poems ago some lady told me my poetry was not that good and i needed to study more and i was crushed as i thought it looked damn good but after i did a few things she said ' it did look better .I quit that day also but the next day i wrote a poem and it was maybe the best i have written here.just keep writing and doing what you do on the side like work' or housewife' ..That's what many of us do just write in our spare time ..lots of luck to you and hang in there it feels good to write and get all our feelings and sorrows out. Cya Cami

In short: Ignore the criticism of your choice of career. Write, write, write. The poets on this site have published a book and are now being studied in a university. Ignore the naysayers. Don't bow to competition. Life is a competition. You are a competitor. Can I be clearer than that?

Our problem is that here on yahoo we read some terrible rubbish posted by people who are convinced some-one is going to steal their 'masterpiece' we also see some fantastic works which take our breath away. We don't know which category you slot into.
My poetry written at the beginning when I now read it is absolute tosh - but, I didn't know that then because I was inexperienced.
My family have never understood me, or my poetry - but, hey, they are not interested in such things - so, I don't use them as critics (they always say 'yes - that's nice)
You must have some idea (by comparison to successful poets) whether what you do is worthy. However, your mother-in-law is right to be concerned - only rarely do writers make any money.