I wrote this poem this afternoon, how do i improve it?

Question:Forgotten wrappers stain the floor,
a neon sign, a creaking door
Here is where we set our scene,
Downtown Manhattan,
The motel of dreams.

Fairy lights brighten her skies,
Cigarette butts, like fireflies
A young girl collapsed onto a bed
A thin floral sheet covers her head

Her story cluttered, her history cold
She was barely 16 years old
She lay there and shed the light
Of how she’d come to this horrible place,
On this warm September night

i wrote the above poem this afternoon.
it all just came into my head when i was talking to my sister, and she said the word cigerette(sp).

please tell me what you think, be mean if you wish, just try and make it constructive?

bear in mind that im only 13.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Forgotten wrappers stain the floor,
a neon sign, a creaking door
Here is where we set our scene,
Downtown Manhattan,
The motel of dreams.

Fairy lights brighten her skies,
Cigarette butts, like fireflies
A young girl collapsed onto a bed
A thin floral sheet covers her head

Her story cluttered, her history cold
She was barely 16 years old
She lay there and shed the light
Of how she’d come to this horrible place,
On this warm September night

i wrote the above poem this afternoon.
it all just came into my head when i was talking to my sister, and she said the word cigerette(sp).

please tell me what you think, be mean if you wish, just try and make it constructive?

bear in mind that im only 13.

I like it, you do a nice job of setting the imagery for the poem. However I think you should tell a story with your poem, or at least an opinion. From the rather depressing sound of "forgotten wrappers", "neon sign", "a creaking door", and a "motel in downtown Manhattan", I'm thinking this girl lives in a apartment or she's a prostitute who is unhappy with her unpleasent lot in life. Something like this might work well after "On this warm September night":

She wishes for a different life,
Born in bliss and not of strife,
Not to live life in one big flash,
Of tainted flesh and cheap cash

Just a suggestion, everyone loves a story ;)

I actually love to write to and i to am 13. This was good and the poetry was captured well.

I've barely any idea what your talking about. So, a girl and someone else were in Downtown Manhattan and she was involved with smoking, next she collapsed onto the bed but somehow the sheets covered her. Confused how the third stanza relates with the first and second... I understand it's the girl but why all of a sudden is the place horrible? and what exactly did she shed light on? her problems?

~sig~
7 days without soccer makes one weak

Sorry, my dear, you need to work on your poem a little more. It's a bit confusing. There's not enough information about what's going on. You just leave us dangling and we don't know what to think. Put in how she got there and what has happened to her and then it might make more sense. I'm not being mean I'm trying to help you, okay?