Poem,comments - Jekyl & Hyde ?

Question:His head is spinning
mind is on fire
rolling round & round
a world on fire
as the clock says hello
its half past two
he looks up from his London street
theres dark clouds all around
brewing with laughter
from the hounds of hell
sending down
forked tongues from above
he feels himself changing
into something new
his heart has jumped into his shoe
watching the ground
as it greedily smiles &grins
how can a gentle face
turn into some asylum
from the zoo ?
Dr Jekyl turns & trys to hide
from tormented stares of Mr Hyde
close your eyes and count to ten
when you wake up
you"ll find your self in some den

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: His head is spinning
mind is on fire
rolling round & round
a world on fire
as the clock says hello
its half past two
he looks up from his London street
theres dark clouds all around
brewing with laughter
from the hounds of hell
sending down
forked tongues from above
he feels himself changing
into something new
his heart has jumped into his shoe
watching the ground
as it greedily smiles &grins
how can a gentle face
turn into some asylum
from the zoo ?
Dr Jekyl turns & trys to hide
from tormented stares of Mr Hyde
close your eyes and count to ten
when you wake up
you"ll find your self in some den

very good poem

There are parts of it that are good, but then lots of it needs working on - for example, you've used fire twice within the first four lines, and you've done something similar near the end, when you have rhymed 'hide' with 'Hyde'.
Some of it is preconceived too. Mainly the sentence that ends in 'shoe', and further on, the one that ends with 'zoo'. I'm sure you can do better than that!
Work on it a bit and it will be much better.

Well, some of this rhymes and some of it doesn't. You need to figure out if you want it to rhythm it does not. It really needs some more work. Some asylum from a zoo does not make sense to me. An asylum is a place and a zoo is a place. You can't have a place coming from a place. Sorry about this.