A quick add on to my short poem, does it go???

Question:Pure as rain, your love knows no evil,
You are the heart of all grace
And the source of the sun's rays.
With angels your soul sings,
A chorus in heaven, sweet in sound
And joyous in tune.
Through the clouds you soar,
Lifted on eagles’ wings,
A song on your lips.

How does this sound? Does it all go together and make sense?

Thanks!

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Pure as rain, your love knows no evil,
You are the heart of all grace
And the source of the sun's rays.
With angels your soul sings,
A chorus in heaven, sweet in sound
And joyous in tune.
Through the clouds you soar,
Lifted on eagles’ wings,
A song on your lips.

How does this sound? Does it all go together and make sense?

Thanks!

it absolutely lovly i like it !!!!
it sounds like you are talking about someone special and powerfull it makes wonderfull sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a fine poem. Just to go through it to point out the contradictions

He/She is the sun

His soul is singing

He is soaring (the sun doesn't soar)
He is lifted onto eagle's wings (he doesn't need to be lifted up if he's soaring and if he's the sun)

Now he's singing the song, which makes the line about the singing soul even more ambiguous.

In addition, the eagle's wings line is from an old Catholic hymn verbatim. Try using another image. In addition, your images don't sync. The mixture of the natural and the supernatural images comes off as really unpolished and unclear. Keep them separated with a stanza break.
Good start though?
Try to think about what you want to convey before you start again.