Would you tell me your thoughts on this?

Question:Wings tainted red, they weaken and fall
To the depths of the earth
he was sent
Now rising as king, all hear his high call
He offers his worth
No repent
Now on his throne, his eyes spread abroad
He tempts and torments
All of man
But deep in his heart, was he not once a star?
The gazer asked
where he went
The highest of high, now fallen to hell
But he made it home
No confined
His story of old, many have tried to tell
But story his own
Sky aligned
Away from his call, do not heed him
Though he may be fallen
His power is
Sin
And all know how strong
The temptations song
Has rand through these halls of men

Authors note; I am trying to write from my imagination and heart, this is not my best and the rhythm is off by a mile but… is it any good at all?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Wings tainted red, they weaken and fall
To the depths of the earth
he was sent
Now rising as king, all hear his high call
He offers his worth
No repent
Now on his throne, his eyes spread abroad
He tempts and torments
All of man
But deep in his heart, was he not once a star?
The gazer asked
where he went
The highest of high, now fallen to hell
But he made it home
No confined
His story of old, many have tried to tell
But story his own
Sky aligned
Away from his call, do not heed him
Though he may be fallen
His power is
Sin
And all know how strong
The temptations song
Has rand through these halls of men

Authors note; I am trying to write from my imagination and heart, this is not my best and the rhythm is off by a mile but… is it any good at all?

And Lucifer fell
past planets and stars
Landing on one
lonely stone
he picks up his head
and about him glares
"This will be my new realm,
"and they will
all
fall
to
me!"

I like it. I think it's pretty good.

hey as long as you like what you wright don,t worry weather any one likes it or not ok

omg i really liked that it was really good!!! you others must be great cuz man you can write

can you please answer this

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Your rhythm dear, is for the most part very good, I'd have to have more time to tell you further. Right now, as I can see, the only line I would change to fit the rhythm is "His story of old, many try to tell." Also, I would separate it into rhyming stanzas, like so.

Wings tainted red, they weaken and fall
to the depths of the earth
he was sent.
Now rising as king, all hear his high call
He offers his worth
No repent.

Now on his throne...etc.