Here is another before I must go... will you leave something for me to come back

Question:Rising inside me
The nightmare is screaming
For all that I longed for
And it’s darkened meaning
To reach for the heavens
Would be the betrayal
With nothing to reach for
I sink in renewal
The serpentine rivers
Of my onward wondering
Would bend into black holes
And silence my longing
And all of my song would
Fall into history
A past they forgot
Along with my story
I push down this beat
My hearts weaving in me
I set back and hope
The heavens don’t get me

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Rising inside me
The nightmare is screaming
For all that I longed for
And it’s darkened meaning
To reach for the heavens
Would be the betrayal
With nothing to reach for
I sink in renewal
The serpentine rivers
Of my onward wondering
Would bend into black holes
And silence my longing
And all of my song would
Fall into history
A past they forgot
Along with my story
I push down this beat
My hearts weaving in me
I set back and hope
The heavens don’t get me

This is achingly beautiful, forsaken by the heavens and by the god who said he loved you, the world that said it loved you, a plea to the darkness that your sanguinary rhapsody could continue. My darling, your rhythm is excellent and your rhymes unique. I stand humbled, I stand plain beside your gilded works.

You need more then my answer alone... but this one will not be understood as well as so much of your others were... but the last line seems a little unrefined... do not be afraid to shape it into something better, you have always told me this and now I give it back to you...

This is very nice. You have a good feel for prosody (isn't that what that other girl said?)

I look forward to reading your future explorations. TD

interesting.... not as clear to fallow as the death of a witch ...but still very nice.....

I like the internal rhyme very much. It needs a bit of editing and perhaps some punctuation. Please keep posting your poems; they are very interesting.

You seem to always use something from the water in your work... I like how you put into motion the things you connect with the most. I am in aw, my sweet... You deserve her... Eva!

I find this very,very interesting. Like it a lot.

Fear and anxiety, yearning, apprehension, hope, defeat, despair mixed with hope, determination, uncertainty, perseverance, determination with caution, anxiousness. Those are (some of) the emotions you go through here. For me this is an impressive and exhausting run-through for such a short journey. That's because it is pure emotion, the why's and wherefores are unknown to us. You have kept your story to yourself, and that lets us fill in our own particular stories That is an amazing accomplishment. And finally you declare your anatomical uniqueness by saying you possess not one, but two organs for pumping blood. Or maybe you meant "heart's?"