A rewrite from many months ago. Is it better now.?

Question:"darker shades of gray"

What does your mind see,
when you close your eyes.
Just what is that feeling,
so deep, dark inside.

I can't even fathom,
to understand all this pain.
It's a fruitless endeavor,
can't you see I'm insane.

I've tread down this path,
for thousands of years.
I try to suppress this,
yet hell sears my soul.

I was an abandoned,
left to learn on my own.
The depth of my abuse,
far worse than first told.

The holes in my heart.
and my pitiful long life.
The prayers I cried out,
unanswered, now cold.

My time is now shrinking,
I'll not suffer again.
Everyday I sink deeper,
to pits of black sin.

Tragic is seems to,
cleanse away all my pain.
The stairway to heaven,
is closed for repairs.

There can be no tomorrow,
when yesterday is now dead.
Late in the night, awake and in tears,
I feel nothing, nothing but gray dread.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "darker shades of gray"

What does your mind see,
when you close your eyes.
Just what is that feeling,
so deep, dark inside.

I can't even fathom,
to understand all this pain.
It's a fruitless endeavor,
can't you see I'm insane.

I've tread down this path,
for thousands of years.
I try to suppress this,
yet hell sears my soul.

I was an abandoned,
left to learn on my own.
The depth of my abuse,
far worse than first told.

The holes in my heart.
and my pitiful long life.
The prayers I cried out,
unanswered, now cold.

My time is now shrinking,
I'll not suffer again.
Everyday I sink deeper,
to pits of black sin.

Tragic is seems to,
cleanse away all my pain.
The stairway to heaven,
is closed for repairs.

There can be no tomorrow,
when yesterday is now dead.
Late in the night, awake and in tears,
I feel nothing, nothing but gray dread.

Hey a couple of comments and simple edit suggestions:

S1: This flows really well. I like it.

L6: You seem to have an extra beat here. It may read smoother with the "to" cut.

L13: Minor typo, cut "an"

L15-16: Nice

L17: You could cut "The"

L18: You could cut "and"

L21: You could cut "is"

L24: This works, you could also go with "into black pits of sin"

L25: "is" might be better as "it"

L30: Maybe: "with yesterday now dead"

That's it for now. I hope some of that is helpful. Use what you like, ignore the rest.

Best,

Todd

I never got to read the old one so i don't know if this ones any better, but all i have to say is you have a gift. Its very very good. Keep writitng!!

I totally enjoy your work. Never stop.

beautiful sweetie, keep it up xxxxxxxx

afraid, in Todd's wake, there is little i can say. but, yes, i think it has improved.

After talking to you and now reading this, you have portrayed your pain in what you told me in this poem. Great job in telling us your feelings without telling too much.