Not my best...but for a certain someone? What do you think?

Question:Please Accept Me

If you look long enough
Into these jaded green windows,
You will see I am getting weary.

This smile is just a blanket,
Hiding the numbing pain,
That handicaps my soul.

Don't chastise me,
Just embrace the fact,
That we will never be the same.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Please Accept Me

If you look long enough
Into these jaded green windows,
You will see I am getting weary.

This smile is just a blanket,
Hiding the numbing pain,
That handicaps my soul.

Don't chastise me,
Just embrace the fact,
That we will never be the same.

I don't think that you should drop the commas. The pauses are there fore dramatic affect, am I right. I really like this, even if it is the bare bones structure of something. However, be cautious when adding more, because here you have originality, if you go too far, you might venture into the land of cliches (I say this only because I visit there far too often). I love your line "this smile is just a blanket..." brilliant. I've heard of the smile being a mask, but never a blanket, and it adds a smothering effect, as you state in the third line of that stanza. This is beautiful, and has the potential to be devastating--in a good way.

Do flesh it out, then resubmit. Liked your jaded green windows.

I really like this. However, as already stated above, I do think you should "flesh it up" a bit and resubmit it as Bayard Lady has stated. I do like what this is saying. Bravo.