Does this make any sense at all? I wrote this poem last night.?

Question:Your candy coated promises
sure taste mighty sweet.
Your words soaked with honey
makes my heart skip a beat.
Can I trust your licorice heart
with my dreams like m&m's?
Brightly colored once, don't let them grow so dim.
Because like these little candies,
they don't melt inside my hand and
who but you could take the heat and morally withstand
the enticement of others dear.
You are mine and mine alone.
I will not share my love here or have
my heart be shown, put on like a notch of conquest
on your little belt.
Now I'll put you to the test
to see what you have felt.
Yet have I lingered with love
and with you at my heart.
Sure that what I'm think of
we will ever start
to have a happy ending
and a great fulfilling life.
Our rainbow's ever bending
and I'll be a faithful wife.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Your candy coated promises
sure taste mighty sweet.
Your words soaked with honey
makes my heart skip a beat.
Can I trust your licorice heart
with my dreams like m&m's?
Brightly colored once, don't let them grow so dim.
Because like these little candies,
they don't melt inside my hand and
who but you could take the heat and morally withstand
the enticement of others dear.
You are mine and mine alone.
I will not share my love here or have
my heart be shown, put on like a notch of conquest
on your little belt.
Now I'll put you to the test
to see what you have felt.
Yet have I lingered with love
and with you at my heart.
Sure that what I'm think of
we will ever start
to have a happy ending
and a great fulfilling life.
Our rainbow's ever bending
and I'll be a faithful wife.

Its content is meaningful and the first five lines are well set out, it is if you are sucking on a sweet candy and are content just to do that. The middle of the poem brings to mind the need for you to suddenly start stuffing yourself with M&m's and have difficulty in getting your words out, it is as if you need a fix to finish the poem. Once you have had your fix the poem starts again to take on some form, and again you are happily sucking on your candy.

Robert

too much sugar...think i got a cavity reading it

THE POEM IS NOT BAD AND I THINK THAT WHEN YOU WRITE SOMETHING FROM NOW ON THAT YOU SHOULD MAKE SURE U HAVE FAITH IN IT. BUT I LIKED IT!!! GOOD JOB!!!!!!

It gets a little shaky... but overall I like it. There is something odd about it I can't quite explain though. I dunno. It's good. =]

Well it makes perfectly good sense to me! Your rhythm is quite good. Just a couple of corrections/suggestions, if I may:

1. "Your words soaked with honey MAKE my heart..."

2. "put on like a notch of conquest on your little belt:" Too many "on"s. I'd just take out the words "put on". It would fit the meter better too.

3. There are a couple of instances where syllable count could be amended to resolve meter issues. Try reading it aloud while keeping a beat.

The single thought behind it though, comes across very well. I like the length also. This could easily be a pretty decent country song...

Write on!

Kabum

Your mention, of M & M's got my complete attention!
Clever! Keep on the sugar rush!

That sugar rush was really productive. Beautiful poem, in terms of both content and form. There's only one problem: you made me think of chocolate and my larder is empty!

This is so amusing and endearing. I love "our rainbow's ever bending". Your "sweet" poem has a great structure and rhythm that I enjoyed very much. Thank you.

yeah its a very likable poem
i think if you made the 2nd half of the poem more about candy like the first half it could be younger audience poem or even song.
its very cute and with a little repair it coud be a perfect poem
i hope i helped(: