Do you think this haiku's cool?

Question:Dracula
Thy fangs set in thy enemy
Sucking red fluid
Soulless ghost
Roting corpse
Immortal artist.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Dracula
Thy fangs set in thy enemy
Sucking red fluid
Soulless ghost
Roting corpse
Immortal artist.

No, this is not a proper Haiku in Japanese either. The Japanese do not count syllables for Haiku like we do.

The Japanese are minimalist in their language, which means for line three they'd use "kyuuketsu" alone (which means, sucking blood). That's 5 "sounds" in itself. "Thy fangs set in they enemy" at a minimum is 8 sounds, because there are only 4 major root words that mean bite, and they are all two-sound suffixes exclusive of an object relationship, plus 2 additional sounds to specify the object, and at least one or more words to specific that it is the enemy you are biting. You are looking at 13 syllables before you even get to the "soulless ghost." Further, the idea of a thing with no soul will surely not translate to Japanese!

If minimalistically crafted this poem might be representative of TWO haiku in Japanese, however - it would still be lacking in traditional form.

Dear Gertrude

No

Love,
Mother Earth

Good words, but not in a form of a haiku. :-)

I like it but it isnt a haiku. A haiku is 5 syllables, 7 s., then 5 s.

There is a lot of freedom allowed when writing a Haiku, which tradition says should be three lines, 5 syllables, 7, and 5. But I think you've stretched that freedom of form a little far. You may want to do some research into the form.

Further, as a poem, this lacks cohesion, or purpose. It's just a list of qualities dear old Drac has, gives some interesting images, but to what purpose?

Honestly, I have no idea what you are trying to convey.

I do not like your poem, and it is NOT a haiku anyway.

Haiku are seventeen syllables in three lines. First line is five syllables, second is seven, third is five. In addition, the haiku usually includes something to denote what season the haiku was written.

This does not mean you did not write a good poem. I just don't like it at all. Plus you need to double check your spelling. Spell check works great, but if you use the wrong word spelled correctly, it's still wrong.

I liked the last line but as a haiku I do not think it qualifies. This example using your words would:

Red fluid flows bright
Fangs of man, soulless night air
Immortal artist

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that does not qualify as a haiku.
Haiku = 3 lines 5,7,5 about nature (observation, comment, conclusion) Senryu; identical to haiku about anything other than nature.

Here is a website on poetic forms that you might find helpful.
http://www.elfwood.com/farp/thewriting/2...

Good Luck to you.

Well done, Gert. Translated to Japanese, it is a proper Hai'ku. Tell these silly people to learn a second language. TD