A toddler's view perhaps?

Question:A first draft, comments please

The Toddler’s Faith we Search

As I walk this glen of forest glade
I see not the world unfold before
nor hear the sound of wings arise
for toddler thoughts of why abound

Gods around gave answers then
to all the whys asked and more
now the god’s hands stained with time
are passing from this mortal realm

Time so cruel does march its dance
while we are left to walk this trail
until we too are called with stain…
to parade our soul some other where

The whys of youth are still there alone
perhaps the mysteries of life itself
toddlers so pure question not the how
only the why and then move on

An ending sought is frail at best
for eyes are shadowed by years neglect
our purity and faith once were there
now it takes the end to see… once more

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: A first draft, comments please

The Toddler’s Faith we Search

As I walk this glen of forest glade
I see not the world unfold before
nor hear the sound of wings arise
for toddler thoughts of why abound

Gods around gave answers then
to all the whys asked and more
now the god’s hands stained with time
are passing from this mortal realm

Time so cruel does march its dance
while we are left to walk this trail
until we too are called with stain…
to parade our soul some other where

The whys of youth are still there alone
perhaps the mysteries of life itself
toddlers so pure question not the how
only the why and then move on

An ending sought is frail at best
for eyes are shadowed by years neglect
our purity and faith once were there
now it takes the end to see… once more

Everyone who finishes this and thinks, "This ain't no poem!?!" should have their credentials revoked. This is friggen magnificent. I will read it several times before the day is through.

There is a moment in all our lives when life becomes a thing that it never was before; it is the moment we become mortal. Children have yet to know this moment. As to what this moment does, it is so varied, so personal, only a poem can contain the thoughts perhaps.

Whatever the case, you have done well with this piece, I wish I had more time to ponder over it--at work, you know--but may come back later.

I had a lot of problems with this one. There's a lot of little distractions that get in the way of the idea. Each one by itself is no big deal, but by the time I was half-way through I was focusing on them to the detriment of my being able to understand. Here is the run-down:
Line 1- A glen is a mountain valley, a glade is a clearing in a forest. I suppose the line could make sense, but it seems backward to me.
Second stanza - "Gods (plural, nominative), god's (singular, possessive). Again, I had to stop and figure something out that at first seemed confusing.
"whys" - If I'm in a glen and I see these four letters together, I expect to see "ky" after them. Maybe "why's" would be wiser.
Third stanza - "the mysteries of life itself" This is not only a cliche, it seemed pretentious also.
Finally, the absence of standard punctuation was, for me, also a cause for my having to stop and figure out the meaning. Each one of these is minor, but all of them together proved to much for me to overcome.

Ah, to be that toddler once again...but where I am, is OK.
Very nice...more of the same, please?

This is a superb poem. It opened my eyes, peeking out of the pink haze, to a truism.

Neonman ... what a beautiful concept. You captured the innocence of youth, with such rhythmic grace. The third stanza was my favourite... I love the visual that it painted in my head. Very moving piece. Thank you for sharing.

Temari.