New poem what do you think?

Question:this is so far from my usual style what do you think?

A Single Breath

Whisper
A single breath
A tear
Fading voices
Happiness
Overcome the pain
Darkness, light
Reaching out
Hands held tightly
Get well soon
Sunset, roses
A single breath
Awaken
Sleep
Ticking off the clock
Voices droning
Monitors
Monotonous beeping
On the edge
For the final time
Eyes close
Visions of angels
A single breath
Eternal rest

i don't know if this is any good or not i tried to find a new style to work with

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: this is so far from my usual style what do you think?

A Single Breath

Whisper
A single breath
A tear
Fading voices
Happiness
Overcome the pain
Darkness, light
Reaching out
Hands held tightly
Get well soon
Sunset, roses
A single breath
Awaken
Sleep
Ticking off the clock
Voices droning
Monitors
Monotonous beeping
On the edge
For the final time
Eyes close
Visions of angels
A single breath
Eternal rest

i don't know if this is any good or not i tried to find a new style to work with

I like the story it tells but the beat or the pace of it is a little fast. I found myself reading it quickly. I have even tried to read it slow but I feel pushed through. I know this does not help you but if you could find a way to slow it down it will be perfect.

it's very flow e and airy feeling to to it's a good poem to me

I think it was really great your really poetic. You should keep writing. If you make more poems e-mail them 2 me if you'd like to have a poetry fan.

i love the use of your metonymy,euphemism and your personification in the statement "get well soon sunset roses".great work

Honestly. Remember you asked. Don't ask if you don't want honesty.

I didn't like it. I found it hard to fallow. I got where it was going, just confused. More like rambling statements.

However, every great writer finds their own style. Good Luck, keep practicing. One day, you may be great.

Poetry is a great release.

wow very good hun i love this poem