Edited version of the poem previously posted...comments?

Question:I took everyone's advice from my last post and rearranged things a bit. I am much happier with this version... comments/critique appreciated!

I could run for miles,
Yet still be chained
To this town that doesn’t love me.

Gazing out my window
Of spiritless hollow spaces,
void of dreams.

I have to close my eyes
To see the bright lights I ache for.
Nothing is here.

The moonlight hits the window,
Showing my reflection,
Holding me back.

OR...do you prefer this for the last line:

The moonlight hits the window,
Showing my reflection,
Revealing my chains.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I took everyone's advice from my last post and rearranged things a bit. I am much happier with this version... comments/critique appreciated!

I could run for miles,
Yet still be chained
To this town that doesn’t love me.

Gazing out my window
Of spiritless hollow spaces,
void of dreams.

I have to close my eyes
To see the bright lights I ache for.
Nothing is here.

The moonlight hits the window,
Showing my reflection,
Holding me back.

OR...do you prefer this for the last line:

The moonlight hits the window,
Showing my reflection,
Revealing my chains.

I must prefer the first 3 line stanza

The moonlight hits the window,
Showing my reflection,
Holding me back.

It's ALWAYS ultimately what's inside us that holds us. We merely project onto other things in our inability to understand that principle.

I really like this poem. It paints a perfectly framed moment when reality hits and we awaken to our own inner slavery. We hold ourselves chained to things that leave us empty and stuck, having to close our eyes to envision our dream.
Beautifully written. I'd give this a 10.

Strange how switching the stanzas can make such a difference as well as make it seem more complete. I like the "Revealing my chains" line.
Well done. I like it much.

Well you know I like it. I prefer the subtlety in version one.

Maybe a simple title like "Culdesac" would work.

Edit: since you mention chains earlier in the piece I wouldn't look to reintroduce them later.

Liked the first and like this. My suggestions and take them for only that:

To this town that doesn't love me. (try) To this town that loves no more.

Holding me back. (try) bars of crystal flat

Titles, try " Silent Chains" Overall, excellent poem, my compliments.

I also like revealing my chains.