Please read my "poem" and give some feedback?

Question:could you give me feedback on the "poem" below - i know there's no structure and it doesn't rhyme, but i just wanted to convey a feeling. It's also meant to be a form of spoken poetry and i got the idea from something i saw on the net. Oh and it's not completed yet. x

There has been no hope for the silently dying
No attempt to put pen to paper and
villify the brutes who proceed to destroy lives
in a hope
to subjugate

Where once she stood,
tall and proud
she now cowers silently
trapped
within a screen of cotton and polyester

I have never known enough entrapment,
to desire
escape through death
I have never known enough fear,
to strike
a match and set my body and soul on fire
entering
the purifying flames of deeply crimson waves
turning to ash
and rising
a phoenix

Rising a phoenix
The rebirth,
of the phoenix
The rebirth
of the daughters
of Afghanistan
trapped within a vicious circle of
continuity

Hell ~ i can't even burn and die in peace

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: could you give me feedback on the "poem" below - i know there's no structure and it doesn't rhyme, but i just wanted to convey a feeling. It's also meant to be a form of spoken poetry and i got the idea from something i saw on the net. Oh and it's not completed yet. x

There has been no hope for the silently dying
No attempt to put pen to paper and
villify the brutes who proceed to destroy lives
in a hope
to subjugate

Where once she stood,
tall and proud
she now cowers silently
trapped
within a screen of cotton and polyester

I have never known enough entrapment,
to desire
escape through death
I have never known enough fear,
to strike
a match and set my body and soul on fire
entering
the purifying flames of deeply crimson waves
turning to ash
and rising
a phoenix

Rising a phoenix
The rebirth,
of the phoenix
The rebirth
of the daughters
of Afghanistan
trapped within a vicious circle of
continuity

Hell ~ i can't even burn and die in peace

I really like it. There is just something at the end that might need to be changed. Instead of saying "Rising a phoenix," maybe say "Rising like a phoenix." Someone who isn't a phoenix cannot become a phoenix. Also, maybe take out the "the rebirth of the phoenix," since it is known that phoenix's are reborn from their ashes.

i don't like it
because i dont see the connections,it sounds cheap and common

oh god that was deep, but beautiful and sincire. and poems arent supposed to rhyme they have to have passion and play with words like no other has done before....you poem has done just that....keep writing ^^

You know i am not an expert on poems....but you poem inspires to live with more excitement....=)

Very well thought out and put together, poems do not have to rhyme all the time so don't worry about that. Its conveys a lot of emotion and thoughts into one page. I sense a lot of pain and remorse in it but also a type of hidden strength when the Phoenix rises from the ashes and is reborn, like it wont back down and hide. Great poem!

Hell with the Taleban
hail the 'women's lib'.

i do like it leave out last line thou