I cant seem to get it right can any one help?

Question:He walked quietly along the river thinking about her green eyes
And her beautiful red hair flowing gently with the wind
"I love you" she says
But only in his memories

And the memory of her death still haunts him deeply-
She was found shortly after dawn
with her face twisted in an endless scream
her body lay cold and bloodless
and she lay there in a frozen macabre state outside the great iron gates of Cemetery Delawire

No footsteps went into or out of the cemetery
but scrawled in blood next to her was her name and a pledge of love forever

And now as he walks past the Cemetery Delawire something moves out of the corner of his eye
and as she approaches him he willingly submits to her sharp teeth

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: He walked quietly along the river thinking about her green eyes
And her beautiful red hair flowing gently with the wind
"I love you" she says
But only in his memories

And the memory of her death still haunts him deeply-
She was found shortly after dawn
with her face twisted in an endless scream
her body lay cold and bloodless
and she lay there in a frozen macabre state outside the great iron gates of Cemetery Delawire

No footsteps went into or out of the cemetery
but scrawled in blood next to her was her name and a pledge of love forever

And now as he walks past the Cemetery Delawire something moves out of the corner of his eye
and as she approaches him he willingly submits to her sharp teeth

I don't put this on very many answers but ... WOW. I think you have it perfect. I like how short it is and how much you allow my brain to fill in the missing pieces. I really enjoyed it, seriously.

EDIT: I think the advice below gives to much a way to soon. I like the surprise at the end. I have read over it a couple of times now and I really want to add something but don't see the need to.

I suck at poetry and im not gonna be any help but i love this its awsome kep up the good work....Srry i didnt help

Get what right.

She bit him on his left cheek.
THE END.

Walking quietly along the river bank,
Thinking of her green eyes,
her beautiful red hair flowing,
gently in the wind.
"I love you.", she says,
but only in his memories.

The memory of her death,
haunting him deeply.
Shortly after dawn,
her face twisted in an endless scream,
her body was found.
Cold and bloodless.

She lay there,
frozen in a macabre state,
at the iron gates of Cemetery Delawire.
No human trace in or out of those iron gates,
but her name,
Her name was scrawled in blood beside her,
her name and a pledge of endless love.

Past the Cemetery Delawire,
something moves,
she approaches with open arms,
a willing submition to her sharp teeth,
an endless love.

Hope this helps, it's not how it should be but just a few ideas, I hope you follow what I've done with it, cause I love your content, and try to make it yours again, once you get that down try to elaberait on your discriptives, thinking of her emerald eyes and auburn flaming hair, you've got a great start, keep going!!!!! GL!

awesome...dont change it

whoa!u are great really dont know much about poetry.but i believe or should i say i assume they are vampirers wat do u tink?

OK first of all there's not a damn thing missing or wrong about this poem OK good for you write your own poetry and let her express herself as she sees it
it was a great poem keep them coming

I do not see anything wrong.

Few women and fewer men are able to write as the other sex.
The imagery is very good, a bit to graphic for my taste. I really don't know how to fix but might shorten the lines.

The memory of her death haunts him,
found after dawn, her face twisted in a scream,
cold and bloodless, frozen in a macabre state,
behind her the great iron gates of the cemetery.
No footsteps in or out,
but scrawled her name in blood,
with a pledge of love forever.

Sometime less is more, if you are using symbols.
I hope this helps but remember this is your world and you are the painter.