Ok peom??? do u think?

Question:what do you guy think i know my grammar is bad but do u guy like it . all the stuff i writ tok me under 30 min or even 10 min at times . i know i should put more time and make it better

Everything around me is like a shadow
i felt my life had just ended
when i found out i lost one of my best friend
he would be the one i can trust
telling him everything
he was like a brother to me
i didnt know what to do any more
so many people try to make me smile
but it didnt work
i remembering the good time we have
i will miss your funny story and jokes
i wish i would of been there for you
but it is to late right now
i didnt even have a chance to say good bye
i wish i could
and if i did i would tell you
your a best friend a guy can have

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: what do you guy think i know my grammar is bad but do u guy like it . all the stuff i writ tok me under 30 min or even 10 min at times . i know i should put more time and make it better

Everything around me is like a shadow
i felt my life had just ended
when i found out i lost one of my best friend
he would be the one i can trust
telling him everything
he was like a brother to me
i didnt know what to do any more
so many people try to make me smile
but it didnt work
i remembering the good time we have
i will miss your funny story and jokes
i wish i would of been there for you
but it is to late right now
i didnt even have a chance to say good bye
i wish i could
and if i did i would tell you
your a best friend a guy can have

Sorry, it doesn't really make any sense. Everything around me, like a shadow. Feeling my life has now ended. I had lost my best friend. He was the one I could always trust, to tell everything to, like a brother to me. I don't know how to cope, so many people trying to make me smile. It never works. Reminising the good times we shared, funny stories and jokes. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, and that I didn't get a chance to say, 'Goodbye'. I wish I could turn back time, but you cannot save fate, i'd tell you your the greatest friend a man could have, so you'd take those words when you go to a better place.???

I'm no good at writing really either...

SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO COMMENT ME?? Ha ha ha

Hope it helped?

Thank you!

P.S/ If you really would like to improve your grammer there are a few websites you may want to visit.
http://www.ego4u.com/
http://www.learnenglish.de
http://www.nonstopenglish.com/allexercis...

ummm... it's ok writing, but it's very corny... "you're a best friend a guy could have." just, no. sorry.

It's OK..

ok then....i didnt read it but it looks fabulous

thats so deep... so touching its beautiful... although i am not a guy but i can relate to it... when i moved i felt like everything wasn't going for me u no?? but got over it made new friends and now am HAPPY

It think it's an excellent portrayal of feelings. Well put.

it ok but a bit corny

i stress corny

Ok yes it is an okay poem. I can see your emotions and what you are trying to say, but it needs to flow better. There are a lot of rough spots. Just try to work on it a little more and i think you will have a good poem.

i luv it! u write better poems than i do :)

good expression of feelings.

May I?

Please, allow me:

Everything around me a shadow
my life had ended
I lost you
who would be the one
i can trust
telling you everything
a brother you are to me
didn't know what to do
so many people try to make me smile
it didn't work, & won't ever

...the good time we have...

i will miss your funny story and jokes
i wish i would have been there for you
--too late right now
no chance to say good bye
wish I could

I would tell you
you're a best friend
a guy can have

Study the changes I made. Note what I did exactly, so you can see and understand.

For instance, the non capitalized "I" is often used but more often than not rejected by more experienced & trained poets thus far, because the little "i" detracts from the message, taking away the attention from the reader what you want to say.