Simple poem. criticism?

Question:On the surface,
I seem to be happy.
Never failing to shine bright.
But my happiness is digressing.
Embracing the darkness overshadowing me,
I'm aching for night.
Always engulfed by sorrow;
It's become a routine.
Shielded myself with elements-
Making it easy
Not to be seen.
I'm just like the sun.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: On the surface,
I seem to be happy.
Never failing to shine bright.
But my happiness is digressing.
Embracing the darkness overshadowing me,
I'm aching for night.
Always engulfed by sorrow;
It's become a routine.
Shielded myself with elements-
Making it easy
Not to be seen.
I'm just like the sun.

i think its pretty good, but... i don't know. trust me, its a good poem, good choice of words, but it doesnt have a good rythm. try to make it flow a little more.

I love it! Very poignant.

pretty good not the greatest
but good.

here's one I did. I like yours a lot. poems don't have to rhyme. They can be really free style. If you enjoy poetry, don't let people criticize you. Only you know what you write and why you like it.

Seventh Heaven

A hundred thousand years ago,
before the dawn of time began,
you were there
part of my life
the very breath of my life,
you became my own,
even before I knew you were there.

Breath of my breath
Blood of my blood
we mingled,
became as one.

From a hundred, a thousand years ago,
From before the dawn of time,
we became as one,
We entered the womb together,
We became as one
and traveled the universe.

We were born,
knew a new life,
were destined to laugh,
to love,
to hold,
to cry,
to share with each other the breath of life.

Today we meet again,
you touched my hand and walked with me,
you became mine,
to live and walk together.

A thousand years from now,
A hundred thousand years from now,
we will be together,
joined together forever,
in a universe that is without end.