Honest criticism of my poem please?

Question:life is what you make of it
success is entirely your choice
faliure creeps up and causes s'hit
but listen to your inner voice
listen out for the good ideas
dont sit on those past mistakes
take control of your destiny, conquer all fears
and then success will taste great
read my words and believe your own eyes
life is what you make of it hear it in your speech
study the teachings that are wise
and practice what they preach

sorry if theres any spelling mistakes spell check wouldnt do the bottom screen

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: life is what you make of it
success is entirely your choice
faliure creeps up and causes s'hit
but listen to your inner voice
listen out for the good ideas
dont sit on those past mistakes
take control of your destiny, conquer all fears
and then success will taste great
read my words and believe your own eyes
life is what you make of it hear it in your speech
study the teachings that are wise
and practice what they preach

sorry if theres any spelling mistakes spell check wouldnt do the bottom screen

You can improve on this, I'm sure.
First off, the major impression is a list of cliches: was this deliberate? If so, any intended irony was lost on me.
Also, the metre is all over the place. There are lines of between six and twelve syllables, with no apparent reason for the variation, apart from to shoehorn in a rhyme.
Go back to it and work on it: there's a better poem in there.

Wow really good. I think the the line "take control of your destiny, conquer all fears" doesn't go well. I would take out "conquer all fears"

But overall its good and makes you realize about some things!
-Julie-

i think its good. like julie said near the end the flow is a bit interrupted by long lines. but over all i really like it a lot!

-meredith

nice

Nice message...good job!!

sounds like a Hannah Montana song

very wise words its pretty inspiring, although not sure the rythm flows that well but i'm no poetry expert. you are good with words