Tell me what you think plz??

Question:The World is changing
But peope havnt change at all
Everybody want peace
But it wont happen
So much bs have goin on about the war
What does it do for us
It can bring peace or harm to dair love one
But so many people have die in the past
We wont win because it is not our ground
But we will try and try our best
Changin one place can make a differet
These day people dont learn from the past
That the war wont end and we wont win
We are wasting money for nuthin
The gov hav to put a end of dis
Before it is to late
I see people in the army
come back being a homeless
But what does gov doin nuthin
They try but nutin is really happenin
Why does this have to happen
why cant we end it now
Before more death

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: The World is changing
But peope havnt change at all
Everybody want peace
But it wont happen
So much bs have goin on about the war
What does it do for us
It can bring peace or harm to dair love one
But so many people have die in the past
We wont win because it is not our ground
But we will try and try our best
Changin one place can make a differet
These day people dont learn from the past
That the war wont end and we wont win
We are wasting money for nuthin
The gov hav to put a end of dis
Before it is to late
I see people in the army
come back being a homeless
But what does gov doin nuthin
They try but nutin is really happenin
Why does this have to happen
why cant we end it now
Before more death

Writing with slang words is very distracting and takes away from the poem like swear words do so I would recommend you not do it. Learn you write properly and learn vocabulary to beef up you impact skills. You have good ideas you just need to get in together and be able to put them to use.

Deep, but take out the swear. Overall good.

Peace
:-)

No, I don't like it. Sounds like rhetoric. Too many thought patterns in it.

Very nice, grammatical errors (i know their done on purpose) are distracting. and i recomend you get ride of this line "Everybody want peace"... because no everybody does not want peace. Maybe "everybody says they want peace"?

Great job and keep writing!

Written poetry in slang terms, somehow always loses it's edge (you end up analyzing the word before moving on to make sure you got it right) so you using plain and proper English would be more effective. The swearing is not an issue, it's in what context it is used that is crucial. When you talk about War and death ,I believe swearing can ring crucial emotion into the words (not always though). The structure of the poem is effective ,and emotive, though it needs a mini re-write to entice the reader rather than look like a rant at times.

Rgds
-poemstolyrics.com